


Hands

by Cuthwyn



Series: The Secret [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood/Arsenal (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Childhood Sexual Abuse, Healing with milkshakes and hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, No one sees how much Roy hurts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, We've all seen Jason's junk, dub con in first chapter if you squint, keeping secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-07-24 08:49:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7501851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuthwyn/pseuds/Cuthwyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sex was meant to be fun, not, this..</p><p>Roy has just started to stumble into an awkward relationship with Jason and something was wrong. Well, more wrong than usual. The only thing was, he had no idea how to talk to him about it.<br/>Sex was meant to be fun.</p><p>The problem is when a secret is only half told only half of the story is ever understood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've had a few requests on and off here to explore Jason's past abuse a bit more. Who knows and how they find out.
> 
> Due to the nature I've had to wait until I was in the right mind set to give the writing the respect it deserves.
> 
> Admittedly I'm a bit nervous to go so in depth. Touching on it in other fics is one thing.  
> I've started with how Roy finds out as it came easier to me.  
> If this works out okay, I may make up a series of different characters slowly finding out Jason's secret and why Bruce kept it.

Roy Harper liked sex. Sex was good. Sex was fun. Sex was one of the few fucking highs he had left that didn't leave him in a mess, well emotionally, well, he didn't need rehab for it okay?  
Roy was slowly stumbling into an awkward relationship with Jason. The second Robin, he clearly had a kink for Robins.  
The only thing though was that Jason Todd didn't like sex, he didn't hate it, but he didn't like it either. It's not that he didn't want to take part, no one made Jason do anything he didn't want to do and Roy was pretty sure no one ever had or ever would.  
Jason was his own man as his best friend come boyfriend was so adept at saying. He didn't like it though and that bothered Roy because why not? What was not to like? Even Bruce with his emotional constipation that made Jason look like he was a god damn hippie enjoyed sex so what was wrong?

A tugging at his waistband pulled Roy out of his thoughts and into the present. Swallowing he looked up from where he had been pushed down onto the bed at Jason who was fixated on getting him out of his pants. Methodically as if it were merely some sort of mission he was on.  
'Jaybird?' Roy gasped when a hand slipped inside to cup him through his boxer shorts. This felt, not fun. Sex was meant to be fun but this, well, this wasn't. Reaching down he hauled Jason up so he could kiss him, more lips than tongue, platonic more than lustful and Jason pulled back to frown at him with heated eyes.  
'Jaybird, s'kay, you ain't gotta.' Roy spoke softly, running fingers through black curls as he leant up for another kiss which Jason returned with a confused frown. 'Just 'cause I did the other night don't mean you gotta. You said yourself you wouldn't repay the favour if I did. It's okay.'  
'I can do it!'  
Jason pulled back sharply, chin sticking in the air in defiance that same determined expression every time someone ever told him he couldn't do something. Smiling warmly Roy nodded and carried on stroking that glorious mess of curls.  
'I know Jaybird. I didn't say you couldn't do it. I want you to do it, really I do but, but you ain't gotta if you-'  
'I wanna!' Jason stropped sounding more like a petulant child than the grown man he apparently was, a scowl setting firmly on his face as he ducked back down to start shedding Roy of his boxer shorts.  
'Really?' Roy asked, a cold knot twisting in his stomach, he placed his hands on top of Jason's to still them. 'Really, really? 'Cause Jaybird? I ain't feeling it?'  
Jason paused before looking down at Roy's raging hard on.  
'Huh?'  
A chuckle escaped his lips and Roy sat up slightly so he could see Jason's face.  
'No, like I said, I want you to. I'm just not sure you want to?'  
'I want to blow you, Harper. There verbal consent or would you like a signed document every time I suck you off?' 

This time it was Roy's turn to frown, something was off, Jason wasn't comfortable, he saw how he flinched every time fingers ran through his hair, even if he was trying his damnedest to hide it.  
'O-okay. Well, what can I do to make you feel more comfortable? You're tense Jaybird. Talk to me? I want you to enjoy this too?'  
Jason was silent for a moment, his icy gaze penetrating as if a partner being concerned about his comfort was an alien concept. Averting his gaze he nodded slowly before huffing a breath.  
'Don't touch me. Hands stay where I can see them.'  
Okay? That, that was an odd request but hey Roy was open to bizarre kinks. Nodding slowly he placed his hands pointedly down to rest against the sheets.  
'Here okay?'  
Jason observed the positioning and tense shoulders relaxed slightly before a small smile tugged at his lips.  
'Yeah, yeah that's good. You ain't gonna touch me?'  
Leaning up Roy kissed him passionately before smiling in reassurance.  
'You got my word Jaybird.'

That evening, Roy discovered that Jason knew his way not only around a gun but also he could suck cock like a pro. At first he seemed timid, unsure, Roy had considered offering Jason some encouraging tips on what to do thinking that maybe that was why Jason had been so uncomfortable, this was new for him. Then? Oh then Jason seemed to find his confidence and Jesus Christ he had died and gone to heaven. Jason had definitely done this before.  
Every swirl of that devilish tongue, every suck and flipping Nora, who taught the man to fucking hum left Roy a writhing mess, hands fisting the sheets. He kept true to his word. Not once did Roy touch Jason no matter how much his mind screamed to grab hold of those curls that bobbed up and down in such a tempting way, begging for his fingers to sink in.  
Whatever had caused the bad feeling in Roy's stomach had gone when Jason gave him that devilish smile from around his cock and ducked his head back down to finish off.  
He came hard, hard and embarrassingly fast, Roy watched slack jawed as Jason sucked him dry before swallowing and wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.

'How did I do?' Jason slurred, voice harsh and raspy, lips drawn up into a vicious smirk.  
'Fuck Jason' Roy managed to spit out after a few grounding breathes, his hands itching by his sides to move , to hold him but unsure if he was allowed to yet.  
'Really? Thought I'd have tired you out? I need to sleep, Dude.'  
With that Jason was up and out of bed, plodding out of the door and the sound of water running in the bathroom filtered through to where Roy was lying.  
Jason never stayed. As soon as they had finished Jason was always up and cleaning himself as if it was just a job done and now he needed to scrub away the evidence. If Roy was honest with himself he found that Jason's obsessive need to clean up straight away left him feeling dirty, like what they had was dirty when he knew it wasn't.  
Then came the same question he asked himself every time, did Jason think that?  
Grimacing at the thought Roy finally sat up, lit up a cigarette and waited because well, what else was there to do but sit an wait for his lover to return? Wait wonder if the water washed away whatever his Jaybird was trying to scrub off or leak through the ceiling, again.  
He had to talk to Jason, but how? If he wasn't careful the twat would take it as rejection, go on the defensive, flip the fuck out and try and do something stupid which Roy would have to try to stop.

The water shut off and Jason reappeared, dressed in an old t-shirt and boxer shorts, smelling of soap and toothpaste, skin rosy from the hot water and flannel. Shooting a soft look at Roy, he smiled before clambering underneath the covers and turning away to face the wall, clearly settling down to sleep.  
'Night Harper.'  
Sure Jason smiled but his eyes were empty, distant. Dead.  
'Night Jaybird.' Roy replied dutifully, watching his partner curl up into a foetal position, arms hugging himself as if to protect him from something, with Jason it could be anything. To see that reaction after being intimate with him, to see him feeling so unsafe, hurt Roy more than he thought Jason realised. Then though the pain Jason kept to himself, locked away in his mind, hurt Roy more than anyone realised.  
Everyone saw Jason angry, freezing up, struggling to breathe, his pain was obvious. No one saw the anguish on Roy's face when the person he loved hurt so badly and him powerless to do anything except make sure that despite whatever was hurting Jason this time he didn't have to go through it alone.  
Oh no, no one saw how every scream ripped through Roy's chest like a knife, clawing at his heart and stuttering his own breath. The endless nights he spent sat up watching Jason sleep waiting for him to wake up in terror, wanting to keep him safe. He didn't think Jason even saw it.  
It was the hardest, thankless job he had ever done but it wasn't a job, it wasn't a chore it was his Jaybird and he'd be there, always. It's just sometimes, on nights like these, he wished he wasn't fumbling around in the dark trying to work out what was wrong.

Another three cigarettes and a small sob later Roy finally ran a hand down his face and shot Jason a final glance before shuffling down under the covers and closing his eyes. In hindsight he regretted letting Jason continue. He'd known something had been wrong, had felt it in his gut but had let Jason pull the wool over his eyes. Now he had hurt Jason and he felt sick. Jason had wanted to though, he'd been enthusiastic all evening, had even instigated it, even sated clearly and strongly that he wanted to. So what went wrong? Was it something he had done? Said?  
Then though, the entire reason why Jason had decided to give him a blow job was to distract from the fact that try as he might Roy could not coax him into letting go enough to come.  
Oh God what had he done?  
Sex was mean to be fun, not, this.  
No one saw how much Roy hurt, at least going to sleep wasn't complicated.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I finally finished this chapter. I took a while as wanted to get it right.

Well, going to sleep wasn't meant to be complicated.   
Just before dawn something woke Roy up.  
The atmosphere in the room felt tense, the eery grey light of dawn not helping with the feeling of unease.  
Maybe it was just that he'd fallen asleep unhappy? Frowning, Roy blinked away his tiredness and rolled over to double check on Jason before he tried to fall back to sleep again.  
Something was wrong.  
Jason was no longer curled up in a ball but lying flat on his back as stiff as a board, his face screwed up in fear of something only he could see.  
'Jaybird? It's Roy? Wake up for me beautiful.'  
He called out softly but he gained no response. He didn't know what to do. This was different, somehow to the usual nightmares. He didn't know what to do so he did what always seemed to work before.

Scooting closer, Roy delved his fingers into Jason's hair crooning to him softly, his voice a deep timbre, lulling the younger man back to reality.  
'Relax Jason. Relax.'  
A huff of breath left Jason's lips and Roy smiled slightly. Taking the action as a sign of him coming to and so he curled a hand comfortingly around Jason's side, fingers slowly stroking up and down.  
'That's it Jason. Good you're doing so good. Relax for me.'  
Suddenly, the muscles beneath Roy's hand spasmed and the tension in the room escalated in seconds. Somehow, Roy had done something very, very wrong.  
'No, no not again!'   
Jason's eyes flew open, wide and unseeing.  
'Jaybir-'  
'You're not fucking real!'  
Jason screamed at him sitting bolt up right. Roy ducked the fist that flew in his direction, watching helplessly as Jason sprung from the bed and backed up against the wardrobe, chest heaving with frantic breaths.  
'Please, please,please.' Jason chanted sliding down the wardrobe to sit on the floor, knees drawn up tightly to his chest as he rocked, hands gripping his hair in a death grip.  
'Please, please.'

This wasn't the Joker. This wasn't Jason going back to the warehouse or the Pit or anything else that had happened that Roy could recall. It didn't even fit in with the Arkham nightmare which was entertaining if Roy liked having a split lip and restraining his boyfriend against his chest, crossing Jason's arms over his body as he whispered over and over again that there weren't any nurses, it was just him.   
That had been the first time he'd kissed Jason, so desperate to comfort him, to prove to him that Roy was with him. It was Roy hugging Jason against his chest to stop him clawing at himself.  
Never in his wildest dreams had he thought it to work, for Jason to break with a hitched sob and reciprocate the kiss full throttle.  
He'd never seen Jason like this, Jason hadn't left, gone somewhere in his mind, no he was still here in their bedroom, with Roy.

'Please, please, please.'   
The screams had turned to haunted whispers as fingers nails scratched at bare arms. With a heavy heart Roy watched Jason beat his head back against the wardrobe muttering his mantra desperately. He wasn't sure if it was the act or the sound but thumping his head against a solid object was a classic coping mechanism for Jason. It had a grounding effect, calming him, proving reality to him, his very existence in the world almost by having that boundary.  
'Please, please, please.'  
Fighting the urge to leap from bed himself, Roy climbed out slowly, tugging on a pair of sweatpants as an after thought. Keeping his movements slow and precise, he rounded the bed to crouch in front of Jason, just out of arms reach.  
'Jaybird?'  
Please, please, please.'  
Thump, thump, thump.  
'Jaybird! Jaybird can you hear my voice? It's Harper, Jaybird.'  
The begging ceased and Jason's thumping at least lessened in velocity, his head now only bumping softly against the polished wood.  
'That's it. Can your hear me now Jaybird?'  
Jason nodded slowly and answered with another broken 'Please.'  
'Please what Jaybird? I don't understand. You need to help me understand. Please stop what?'  
Roy actually had no idea if Jason wanted anything to stop. It was a gut feeling, the way Jason said 'please' to Roy sounded like a broken sentence. As if Jason was trying to say 'Please stop.'   
Memories of Jason's instructions earlier on filtered through to the front of his mind, providing at least a little clarity in this Megillah. Well, at least he hoped it to be clarity.

Please stop. Don't touch me.  
The cold feeling that had been in Roy's belly coiled right back up again and he looked up at Jason with a renewed comprehension. Lifting up his hands he held then out so Jason could see them.  
'I'm over here Jaybird. Roy is right here okay? I ain't gonna come closer, I won't touch you. Not unless you tell me to okay? You're safe Jaybird, I'm not gonna hurt you am I?'  
'I-I just, want, stop. M-make stop.'  
Jason pleaded, his head still thumping against the wardrobe and Roy itched to wrap his hands around it, stop him doing it.  
'Make what stop? Jaybird you gotta talk to me man? I can't, I'm not you, I don't know what you want to stop.'  
Jason shut his eyes tightly and the head banging increased again as he grew more distressed.  
'C-Can't promised. Promised.'  
A promise? Purposely softening the frown from his face Roy nodded slowly and held his hands up higher.  
'A promise? You want the promise to stop Jaybird? Jaybird it's Roy come on, you can talk to me? Safe?'  
Jason paused for a moment, the word 'safe' seemed to break through some how and a pair of desperate eyes lifted to meet his.  
'Will- c-can you keep - s-secret?'  
The request sent a chill jolting down Roy's spine and the warning bells that went off in his own head were almost deafening. If he were a truck the orange light would be flashing and the 'warning this vehicle is reversing' would be blaring out for all to hear.  
'Jaybird? Let me come to you, let be sit next to you. Please?'  
Roy waited for a few long moments, the only sounds in the room were Jason's laboured breathing and the steady thumping of his head on the door. If Jason was in his right mind he'd have picked up on Roy avoiding his question but thankfully Jason wasn't in his right mind at all and replied with a husky 'O-okay.'

It was the closest Roy was going to get to consent with Jason in this state. He moved slowly like before, making sure every movement was seen and the intention understood. Nudging Jason forwards slightly Roy slid down behind him, spreading his legs so his partner could sit between them. His head now at least making contact with Roy's chest instead of the hard wood door.  
He didn't say a word, he just sat there, not touching Jason but being there, letting his head beat against his chest until slowly, painfully slowly it stopped and Jason's breaths evened out.  
'Thank you.' Came a muffled voice, thick with shame and sadness.  
'Ssh none of that talk, Jaybird, what have I said about that talk huh?' Leaning his cheek down to rest against the top of Jason's head Roy breathed in the scent of sweat and shampoo. 'Can I hold you?'  
'No.'  
'Okay.'  
Lifting his head again Roy purposely dug his fingers into the carpet and studied the rising sun for a moment.  
'Jaybird, what's going on? Earlier, when we were-together. This, it's all linked isn't it? I've triggered you? Please? Please Jaybird I, this hurts, I need to know what's going on. We can't carry on like this. It's not right.'  
Jason tensed against him before the young man was pushing away, eyes shut tightly.  
'Yeah, I get it. This, this was dumb. I'm sorry I'll- I'll go get me stuff.'

This was almost exactly how Roy imagined his boyfriend's reaction. Running away was like a default setting for the twat only at least the reality involved less shouting/breaking things but then he probably had tired himself out already.  
'For fuck sake.' Roy mumbled before pushing Jason back lightly against his chest and ignoring he quizzical look he was being given. 'I don't want y'to go you asshat. Please, what is so bad that you can't tell me?'  
'I promised. It's all I gots left of him.'  
Nodding, as Jason shifted slightly to bury his face beneath his arm pit, Roy's mind flew into hyperdrive. A promise. Jason had mentioned that but it wasn't a promise.  
Can you keep a secret?

The chill in his stomach became painful as the archer did what any vigilante did best. He put the pieces of the puzzle together. Jason wasn't very good at keeping promises, he was however very, very good at keeping secrets, there were so many inside that head Roy was astounded that he kept track of them all. If whatever this was, was a secret? Well, it would be a cold day in hell when Jason gave it up willingly, even to him. Jason's promises were fleeting but when Jason kept a secret, he took it to the grave (pun entirely intended). If he was going to shed any light at all on what was going on , Roy was going to have to be very clever and do a lot of delicate footwork.   
'Okay' He whispered, a hand daring to leave the carpet and rest soothingly on Jason's back. 'Can you tell me what the dream was?'

Jason froze, clearly debating whether to answer and for a moment Roy thought he would refuse to surrender that knowledge too before a small voice muttered 'Wasn't dreaming.'  
'Huh?'  
'I was awake. Sorta. Was dozing.'  
That made no sense whatsoever. Frowning in confusion, Roy felt Jason relax again and snuggle further into his armpit, in shame, he was feeling ashamed.  
'I got better I swear.I know they're not real. When I feel 'em I know they're not real. I used to think they were but they're not. It's just me being crazy. I can sort it now. If I lie still long enough, tell myself they aren't real and I'm just crazy long enough they go away.'  
'What- who are they? Jaybird? Who did you feel?'   
Jason tensed and Roy assumed that he had pushed too far. A hand fisted against his bare chest and Roy closed his eyes as the feel of it, he always hated when Jason's hands formed fists.  
'The hands.' Jason's voice was so empty and hollow it was barely audible.  
'Hands? Whose hands Jaybird? It's alright, you can tell me.'  
'N-no.'

There it was.The boundary, the wall Jason had erected around his secret to keep it safe. Jason Todd was viewed by many as an insane murderer, heartless, cold, angry. It couldn't be farther from the truth. Sure Jason was angry but when he was angry if you looked hard enough you saw the tears welling in teal eyes, look deeper and you saw a crippling terror that haunted him, deeper still a numbing despair that paralysed him in darkness, beneath that raw pain. If anyone bothered to wait, be patient enough, beneath all of that, there was a boy who smiled, whose laugh was intoxicating, a boy who loved nothing more than to curl up with a cup of tea and a book on a rainy day. His magic. A boy who'd fought for everything he ever had, his freedom, his life, his soul, his mind, his heart. Above all else though, that boy would fight tooth and nail to keep you safe for the preciousness of such a state was something he and few others truly understood. Sadly though, safety was not something Jason strove to just find for others, he so desperately craved it himself but that, over time, had morphed into him thinking he had to keep parts of himself 'safe' that really should not be left to fester, like his secrets.  
Jason needed someone to wait around long enough to see him beneath all that anger and pain. He so desperately needed someone to take his hand and help him feel that safety he longed for but in the right way. Roy Harper used to think his purpose in life was to be a hero, addiction put a stop to that ideology. No, Roy now realised it was merely a means of taking him to his true purpose to be that person Jason needed, to keep his Jaybird safe.

Hands. That must have been what caused Jason to panic. Roy had placed his hands on him, confusing Jason, putting a physical element to something he was trying to convince himself wasn't real. Roy couldn't feel any more shitty if he tried, all he'd wanted was to keep Jason safe and instead had made things worse.  
Hands. Roy had placed his hands on Jason's body. He had been feeling phantom hands on his body, unwanted hands, hands that clearly frightened him.  
Jason Todd didn't like sex. Don't touch me.  
No. Oh Christ no.  
Jason had a secret.  
'Harper? Harper! Breathe, breathe. Breathe with me!'   
Jason's desperate voice filtered through and Roy felt a sharp pain on his cheeks.  
Blinking open his eyes Roy was greeted by Jason kneeling in front of him, his face contorted in concern as he tapped his cheeks.  
'Harper it's okay. Your okay. Your having a panic attack. Follow my breaths for me dude okay?'  
Nodding slowly, Roy copied the steady breathing. The same exercises he had done with Jason countless times in the past and the irony of the role switch didn't pass him by. Jason, his loveable Jaybird had pushed aside his own pain to help him with his distress. Typical, stupid, strong, intelligent, marvellous Jason.  
Roy studied the younger man's face, teal eyes stained by the Lazarus Pit, angular jawline, the scar just above his lip, the other scar he never spoke about on his forehead, the freckles that dusted his nose. Finally his gaze lifted to dark, wavy hair, to the patch stained white by the trauma of the Pit, proof to all of how strong he really was. His Jason and the agony of realising what secrets he had hidden was so painful Roy could not find the words to describe it.

If there was ever a time Roy wished for a bottle of scotch, to feel the comforting burn, it was now. Swallowing Roy lifted a trembling hand to cup Jason's cheek, holding his quizzical gaze as he searched his eyes, silently begging. Please, don't lie to me.  
'Who?'  
'W-what?' Jason blinked on wary confusion and fell back onto his haunches. The grip on his cheek tightened.  
'Who hurt you Jaybird? Tell me.'  
Roy watched as Jason searched his face looking for a way out, somewhere to run.   
'I worked it out Jason. Please tell me who did it?'  
'I'm sorry.' Came a fearful reply and Roy's blood boiled. Lunging forwards he gripped Jason tightly by the arms, forcing him to keep eye contact.  
'No. No Jason don't you ever, ever apologise for that. Not ever. Do you understand me?'  
Jason nodded, eyes wide in shock at the sheer emotion that was radiating off Roy leaving him unable to do anything but flop about in Harper's grip like a rang doll.  
'Who hurt you?'  
'I-I I can't. Harper stop it. Let me go!' Jason yelled angrily, suddenly snapping out of his submissive stupor to fight the death grip on his arms, fighting to get away, run away. Like he always did.

I promised. It's all I gots left of him.  
Letting go sharply Roy shook his head violently.  
No. No he'd never. Could never do something like this. He'd never sexually assault anyone let alone a child.  
It's all I gots left of him.  
Those words only pointed to one person in Jason's life and despite his knowledge of the man the evidence in front of him said otherwise.  
'Bruce?' The name felt as thick and heavy and liquid tar as it left Roy's lips.  
The look on Jason's face was the only answer he needed.  
Nodding stiffly, nausea twisted in his gut as tinnitus rang in his ears, Roy clambered shakily up to his feet. Forcing a smile he ran fingers through Jason's hair to reassure him and bent down to place a chaste kiss on his forehead.  
'I'll be right back.' He promised before calmly exiting the room and hurrying to the bathroom.

Almost collapsing over the toilet, Roy vomited heartily into the porcelain basin.  
Bruce. Bruce hurt Jason.  
If there was one thing Roy Harper knew he was put on this earth for, it was to keep Jason Todd safe.  
Slowly Roy hauled himself to his feet, flushed and washed out his mouth out in the sink. Disgust and anger a dangerous fire in his stomach.

Bruce Wayne was a dead man walking.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos. I'm really starting to get into this a little bit more now :) 
> 
> Someone really has got to stop Roy!

Roy had never had an outer body experience but he would say that right now felt pretty darn close. It felt as if he were watching his own actions from somewhere far, far away. Did Jason feel like this sometimes? When his Jaybird left him to go somewhere else?  
He watched silently as he walked from the bathroom and tugged on his shirt and jacket that lay where they had been thrown that evening before walking back into the bedroom and changing into the pants that Jason had tugged off of him and pulling on a clean pair of socks.  
'R-Roy?'  
Jason was where he had been left, huddled up against the wardrobe watching him with confused, scared eyes, tear trails running down his cheeks. It was then that Roy realised that Jason must have just sat there and listened to him chuck up.  
Kneeling back down Roy was careful not to touch Jason, his eyes slid to the bruises already forming on pale arms, the exact shape of his fingers. He didn't trust himself to be able to let go if he touched Jason right now.  
'Jaybird? It's okay. It's gonna be okay.'  
The words came out as pointless and empty as they felt.  
Jason reached a trembling hand out towards his but he had to pull back. He had to leave. He had to do this for them, for Jaybird. Eyes widening at the rejection, Jason turned away and shook his head wearily.  
'Don't go.'  
'I gotta. You know I gotta Jason. I can't let this go on. I can't. I have a duty. Okay?' Pursing his lips Roy looked towards the screwed up sheets. 'Want me to help you back into bed?'  
A scowl marred Jason's brow, knees drawing up even further into his chest. It was quite apparent that Roy's actions were not being approved of. With a heavy sigh Roy nodded before pulling down Jason's comforter and tucking it around his shoulders.

'Stay safe. Okay?' As an after thought, Roy scooted over to Jason's pants and collected his phone before placing it on the floor next to the younger man. He could tell him to call him, Roy knew if he did he wouldn't be able to ignore the phone call and he knew the idiot would pull one just to distract him from what he had to do.  
'Call Dick okay? If stuff gets bad? Promise me, you'll call Dick, Jason.'  
He didn't get an answer but the resigned look he was given was enough to satisfy Roy. Getting up to his feet, he tugged on his boots before collecting his gear and heading out of he safehouse.  
'Please try to understand that this is for the best, Jaybird?' He called softly over his shoulder before opening the front door to leave. He couldn't see Jason from the hallway but he could hear a raspy voice crack into a heartbroken sob.  
'He was right. Shoulda k-kept it in the family.'  
Hissing at the words, Roy felt his stomach lurch again and he closed the door heavily behind him.  
That sick bastard.  
Family, that wasn't family, that was-  
Inhaling sharply a plan of action took form in Roy's addled mind.  
Family.  
That was the answer.

Oliver Queen sat at his usual table, at his usual restaurant, ordering his usual lunch, he read his usual paper. It was just like any other day, the sun was shining and everything, for once, was at least okay with the world.  
A tumbler of scotch was placed down in front of him by the waiter. Frowning over the business section Oliver shook his head in confusion.  
'I didn't order -'  
'The gentlemen at the bar sent it over, Sir. He requested that I passed on his message that you will need it.'  
Raising an eyebrow, Oliver thanked the waiter before turning to see who the mystery drink buyer was. Nothing could have prepared him for who he saw sat on a bar stool cradling a drink of his own.  
Without a word Oliver took a deep breath and made a point of walking calmly over to the young man and sliding into the bar stool next to him. So much for a nice quiet lunch.

'What are you doing here?' Oliver mumbled over the rim of his glass, casting an eye around the establishment to check for eaves droppers.  
Lifting his head, Roy huffed a weary laugh and shook his head in dejection.  
'Hello Roy. How are you? Pretty shitty actually. How are you?'  
Closing his eyes Oliver counted slowly to ten before finally turning to give Roy a cold, hard, stare and Roy stared right back.  
'What do you want?'  
If there was one thing Oliver had learnt over the years it was not to engage Roy in an argument, it was pointless and futile and only ended in stitches and bandages.  
A bitter laugh left Roy's lips and he closed his eyes tightly before sipping his own glass of scotch.  
'I don't want to fight. I don't want Green Arrow, especially not Bruce Wayne's friend.'  
Swallowing another large mouthful of scotch, he hunched further over the bar, not daring to look in the other man's direction. 'I need my Dad, Ollie.'

The words took Oliver back a bit. Nodding he watched Roy take another mouthful of scotch and scowled. He really should have learnt by now to expect the boy to lie to him, it was all he ever did now. One lie after another but still, every time hurt just as badly as the first time he'd found him with a needle in his arm.  
'You told me you were sober, Roy.'  
'I am.'  
Another mouthful of scotch. Oliver would have been angry if he wasn't just so God Damn tired of it all.  
'Let me guess, that's soda?' Shaking his head he stood up to leave. 'No. I'm not doing this. I won't sit and watch you drink yourself stupid. You want a dad? Fine.'  
A bunch of dollar bills were slammed down onto the bar.  
'Get out of my city. Take the train, as like hell I am letting you get behind a wheel. I won't do this anymore Roy.'  
Hitching a sob Roy shot his hand out to grab hold of Oliver's before he could pull it free. Lifting desperate eyes to his cold ones.  
'P-please, I can't . You told me- n-never keep a secret. I dunno what to do.'

Roy had tried to keep it together. Damn it all the only reason he had drank was because he needed something, anything, to give him the strength to reach out to the only man he trusted enough to help. To face his demons in order to fight Jason's. In the end though, scotch could not keep the pain and tears at bay and Roy slumped against the bar, sobbing.  
Oliver stared blankly. His wayward son's words were alarming. Secret? Like anyone with a role which involved responsibility the word 'secret' sent an involuntary shudder down his spine, vigilantes were no different. It was rule number one for keeping people safe, never promise to keep a secret.  
Letting out a long steady breath Oliver sat back down and took the glass out of Roy's hand. The look he gave just daring Roy to protest. He didn't, the young man just carried on sobbing into the bar.  
'What's happened Roy?'  
Sniffing Roy straightened up, wiping his cheeks with trembling hands in a bid to stop the tears but failing miserably.  
'H-he hurt him, Ollie. I-I hurt him.'  
'Who?'  
'Jason.'  
Oh balls.

Pursing his lips Oliver closed his eyes and hung his head, squeezing the hand still in his in reassurance.  
Jason Todd.  
Of course.  
If there was drama, Jason Todd was usually involved. In all honesty, Oliver was not particularly pleased about Roy's involvement with him. That boy was nothing but trouble.  
'What has Jason done this time?'  
That was the wrong thing to say. It was apparent as soon as the words left his lips and Roy lifted his head to give him a fiery look, pulling his hand free with a snarl. Tears forgotten and replaced by anger.  
'Nothing. Jason has done nothing! It was him. He told me it was a secret but I worked it out. He fucked Jason, Ollie. He hurt him and I don't know what to do.'  
Suddenly Oliver felt an anger very similar to Roy's. This obviously hadn't been entirely consensual. Jesus, if the second Robin hadn't been messed up enough over the years.  
'Who? Who hurt Jason? Roy it's going to be okay. We'll sort this out.'  
Shaking his head Roy searched Oliver's eyes for a long moment, before the damning name left his lips, and Oliver forgot how to breathe.  
'Bruce.'

No.  
'Roy are you sure? You know Jason can be - unstable at times. Say things he doesn't mean?'  
'He didn't need to say anything, Oliver. You didn't see him, he was terrified, traumatised.'  
Roy practically screamed at his old mentor, causing quite a few members of the public to turn and stare at the couple yelling at the bar.  
Hushing Roy firmly, Oliver placed a hand on his shoulder and ducked his head down to catch the young man's eye, holding him there.  
'Roy calm down. You're spiralling. Deep breaths.'  
'Think I didn't know that when I drank the scotch?' Roy spat back bitterly but taking a few, deep, steady breaths none the less. 'Look at the evidence Ollie. He's a bachelor millionaire who takes in young, isolated, underage boys. They become Robin. Then what happens? They come of age and leave. Dick fell out with him and never really told me why, Jason died and Tim's gone now too. Doesn't that seem odd to you? I never thought about it before but, fuck Ollie it's like he's grooming them?' Shaking his head he looked up at Oliver pleadingly, desperate for once to be told that he was wrong. 'Please, if you have an explanation for this, please, tell me.'  
Oliver just stared. He didn't know what to say, was he in the right universe? How had he never looked at Bruce like that but then, why would he? His friend had always seemed a good father, not perfect by a long shot but he tried, anyone could see that he tried. To thing of him hurting his boys well, that was just unfathomable yet he had the same issue as Roy. Married up with what Jason had apparently said, well, his home situation didn't look all that innocent anymore. Jesus the boys all looked the same for crying out loud, they all looked like Bruce.

Pursing his lips, Oliver hoisted Roy up to his feet and began to manoeuvre him towards the door.  
Wiping away tears on the back of his hand Roy followed dutifully, willingly relinquishing control to Oliver. The relief to have someone else take the burden for once, overwhelming, and he just wanted to wrap his arms around his neck, thank him.  
'Where- where are we going Ollie?'  
'To talk to the man who knows Bruce better than anyone else in the League. We're going to get to the bottom of this Roy. Don't worry.'  
Walking them both over to his car, Oliver closed his eyes and readied himself for his next question, really not wanting to know the answer but he needed to know.  
'Roy you said Jason was traumatised? What happened? Did you trigger him?'

The drive was long and uncomfortable as Roy told Ollie every single detail of what had happened the night before. Growing more and more upset and disgusted with himself as hindsight proved to be even more of a bitch as time dragged on.  
Roy was far too distraught to feel embarrassed but Oliver felt his cheeks burn and he wasn't sure how he was going to look at Roy and Jason together in the same way ever again. There were somethings you just didn't want to picture your kids doing, with anyone, ever.  
In Oliver's mind Roy was a saintly virgin and by golly that was how he wished it to stay. His adopted idiot of a son however, seemed not to have learnt the lesson his doomed sexual encounter should have taught him. Thinking back on Roy's own past he could kind of figure out why.  
'Roy it's not your fault. You didn't know.'  
'But I did!' Roy protested shaking his head violently. 'I knew something was wrong. Even if Jay said otherwise. I just knew it, but, he said he wanted to do it?'  
Humming Oliver reached over and patted Roy's knee in reassurance before moving to change gear.  
'Sometimes, Roy, what someone wants and what someone needs are two different things entirely. Sometimes the best way to help a loved one is to go against their wishes, even your own, to give them what they need. Do you understand?'  
The silence was long and tense.  
Letting out a long, steady breath Roy stared at the dashboard. Memories of a past he'd rather forget flitting through his mind. The fights, the lies, the tears, losing everything for a high he desperately craved. Wanted not needed, even if at the time it felt otherwise, God had it felt otherwise.  
This time Roy's cheeks did burn and he swallowed down a knot of tears, glancing across at Oliver who was focused on the road as if he'd never driven home before.  
Oliver Queen seemed like an entirely knew man all of a sudden and Roy wasn't entirely sure if he was ready to cope with that. What you want not what you need, he'd heard those damning words before.  
'Y-yeah. Yeah I think so.' Roy mumbled 'I think I'm starting to get it.'  
Good.'


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you want an answer? It is better to go straight to the source ... Or at least that is the theory.

'You what!'  
Clark Kent blinked in horror and shook his head at his supposed friend and renegade son.  
'You're not serious Ollie?'  
'Would I have called you out here if I wasn't?' Oliver relied sternly, arms folded across his chest.  
Clark couldn't actually form thoughts to even come up with a reply. His morning had started like any other, sat at his desk at The Planet coming up with rather outrageous excuses as to why he had missed his deadline this time when he aid got a call. So here he was, stood on the outskirts of Gotham with Oliver and Roy wondering when exactly the universe turned upside down.  
'But Bruce, he- no, no he wouldn't do that! He loves the bones of those kids. You know that, we all know that!'  
'Do we?' Oliver shot back and Clark's attention honed in on a very distraught looking Roy with tear stained cheeks. Only last week, Oliver had been calling the boy all names under the sun after finding out about him and Jason (No one dared mention the addition of Kori).Then though, Clark supposed there were just somethings you did not what to imagine your kids doing. Now Oliver was stood shoulder to shoulder with Roy, he wouldn't do that unless he was sure that Roy was speaking the truth, that, that what Jason was saying was the truth.  
But on the other hand, this was Bruce. His best friend, it can't be true.  
Swallowing Clark shook his head and rummaged around in his leather satchel for his phone. Bringing it out he pushed his glasses down to the tip of his nose so he could actually see the screen, he ignored Roy's comment about pointless glasses.  
'Hang on, let me get to the bottom of this.'

'Who are you calling?' Roy piped up as the man dialled a number and glanced at him.  
'A more reliable source than Jason Todd.'  
' Dick? Dick, hello, it's Clark? Yes, yes it's lovely to hear from you too. Yes I'm fine, yes, yes, oh good, Dick? Dick! Shut up and listen a sec okay?'  
Looking up Clark motioned for Oliver and Roy to step closer so they could here the conversation too. Walking over, Roy cocked an eyebrow and tilted his head to listen in, his stomach a pit of snakes.  
Not him too. Oh please, please don't let Dick be hurt too.  
'.. Oh and Clark you should have seen this flip I did and I did what you said. I'm only buying 3 boxes of cereal a week now and' Dick rambled happily away, clearly ecstatic about hearing from good old Uncle Clark. In fairness the man was practically a second Dad to the Batkids.  
'Dick. I need to ask you something very important and I need you to be honest with me okay? No matter how hard it is.' Clark said firmly but calmly.  
The other end of the phone went uncharacteristically quiet.  
'Who died Clark?' Came a shaky reply and Roy wanted to climb through the phone to his moron of an ex-best friend.  
'No. No, Dick it's okay. No one is dead.'  
Taking a deep breath, Clark steeled himself before asking the question he dreaded to hear the answer to.  
'Dick did -er- well, were you ever in Bruce's bed?'  
'Huh? Well, yeah, sure I was? Nearly every night when I was a kid. On bad nights I even got into his pyjamas before it was even bedtime. Not so much anymore though. Heh, that all kinda stopped just before Jason came along. I'm too old now for those shenanigans I guess. Why? Clark? Clark are you there?'  
Clark had gone a rather peculiar shade of grey, swallowing he closed his eyes and shook his head as if Dick could see him.  
'No, no I'm fine Dick don't worry. Thank you. For being brave.'  
'Erm, thanks? I guess? Seriously, Clark, you don't sound so good go see Lois or call Bruce or something. Please?'  
'Oh don't worry, I will do. Thank you Dick. Take care.'  
'Er yeah? Stay safe Clark.'

Watching Clark hang up Roy wiped absentmindedly at the tears running down his cheeks. Whatever had been left of his heart had now shattered to join the other little slithers of it currently slicing through his chest.  
His Dickiebird. He never knew, he'd always been so, happy. Roy wasn't stupid though he knew that with Dick, the happy was a good 85% facade.  
'Dick.' He mumbled, thinking back to those drunken nights, years ago. The pair of them drinking away the blues and ranting about their adopted fathers. Roy had just been rebellious and bitter maybe, well, maybe Dick really did have a damn good reason to of been angry.  
'What are we going to do, Clark? We can't just ignore this. We have duty, friend or not we have duty Clark, you know that.' Oliver spoke, wordlessly reaching over to squeeze Roy's shoulder in reassurance.  
Clark, quiet frankly, looked heartbroken. Removing his glasses he massaged the bridge of his nose before to replacing them with a heavy sigh.  
'There's no other way around it. We've got to talk to Bruce and get to the bottom of what's been going on.'

'Good shot.' Bruce chuckled at his son from his back on the crash mats, before clambering back to his feet and cocking an eye at Damian. 'But can you do it again?'  
Crouching down into a fighting stance, Damian grinned like the devil.  
'If you insist, Father. Maybe you should speak to Todd about your self destructive tendencies?'  
The blow was a low one but it hit the desired spot. Setting his jaw, Bruce mirrored the crouch.  
'Oh you're going to regret that remark, boy.'

The trio entered the Cave to the scene of Bruce pinning his youngest son against the mats, little arms drawn up into an unyielding hold behind his back.  
'Submit, Damian.'  
'Never!'  
Swallowing thickly, Roy stepped forwards only for Oliver to hold him back with a shake of his head. The pair were just training, that's all this was. At Least, Oliver hoped that was all it was.  
Before anyone could make another movement Bruce paused, suddenly becoming aware that he had company. His head shot up, eyes darkening to face the threat before he recognised his friends and a small smile graced his face.  
'Good job, son.'  
Releasing Damian with his praise, Bruce got back to his feet and walked over to the horse where a couple of towels lay, throwing one to his son, he flung the other around his neck.  
'Oliver, Clark. As much as it is a pleasure to see you, I was not expecting a visit? Is everything alright?'

The pregnant silence caused the man to turn with a frown. Both of his friends wore a grave expression and that was when he noticed Roy, shielded slightly behind Oliver. The boy looked a mess.  
'Roy? What are you doing here? What's happened?'  
Damian raised his head, looking from the visitors to his father in concern.  
'If you are here to tell us that Todd is dead again, I refuse to acknowledge his dramatics by passing on my condolences.'  
'Clark?' Bruce's voice almost broke with worry, stepping behind Damian he rested a hand on his shoulder. With Roy looking so, broken, the prospect of losing his adopted son for the second time seemed highly likely, and devastating was not the word.  
'Jason is safe.' Clark replied stonily, looking down at Damian's wide eyed expression he cast a glance at Oliver. 'I think it would be best if the boy was not here for this.'  
'What?' Damian gasped, pulling back when Oliver crossed the Cave to try and grab hold of him. 'Unhand me, Queen. Father?'  
'Be a good boy and go with Oliver, Damian. It seems that Clark and I have some business to discuss.'  
Damian looked between the adults in confusion, his gut screamed at him to stay, to protect his father but he knew protesting would not fall in his favour. With a sigh, he allowed Oliver to place a hand on his shoulder and escort him out of the Cave, casting a final look at his father over his shoulder.

'So Clark, now that you have successfully unsettled my son, care to tell me what all of this is about?'  
Bruce asked, folding his arms he watched Clark close his eyes before moving to stand toe to toe with his best friend. Roy just stood, shifting his weight nervously, he seemed to be holding everything together by a thread. Why hadn't Clark sent the boy away with Damian?  
'Bruce, you are a good friend and although there are times where I have doubted you, I have never lost faith in you being a good and just man-'  
'Clark? What is going on? What's happened?' Bruce interrupted, tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip anxiously, uncomfortable with such a raw and honest remark from his friend.  
Inhaling deeply, Clark removed his glasses and tucked them into the breast pocket of his jacket, his eyes searching and solemn.  
'Bruce, have, have you ever had intimate relations with Jason?'  
Bruce stared, just stared, aware of every sound in the room including his own heart beat hammering away in his ear.  
'W-what.'  
He wasn't sure if that was a question of a statement, if anything Bruce felt like reality had been blown out of the window and he was currently hanging in stasis.

'Answer the question, Bruce, have you ever had sexual contact with Jason?'  
He couldn't lie, it's one of the main reasons he was so close to Clark. Clark could hear heartbeats. He couldn't hide from Clark. Lying now would just make everything sound ten times worse than it already did. Taking a deep steadying breath, Bruce lifted his head, wanting to close his eyes and turn away but refusing to give Clark that, refusing that vulnerability.  
'Yes.' He forced out hearing Roy's gasp but carrying on regardless. 'Although I think there may have been a misunderstanding here -'  
Bruce never got to finish his explanation and ended up sprawled back on the crash mats, his blood glistening on Clark's clenched fist.  
Tears glistened in Clark's eyes as he stared down at his friend in sheer disgust.  
'I believed in you. When the rest of humanity failed, I believed in you and your -your-'  
'A Paedophile.' Roy spat from his corner, green eyes dark and threatening. 'What about Dick? You hurt him too? That why he drank with me? To forget? Jason showed a conveniently short time after Dick got away from you.'  
'What? No. No let me explain!'

Damian dragged his feet as Oliver walked them both down Wayne Manor's driveway, clearly having no actual plan for a suitable 'distraction'. The man kept wittering on about his father, asking him probing and, quite honestly, confusing questions. Questions Damian thought Queen had no right to be asking.  
'I do not see how the answer to that question benefits either myself or you, Queen? If you require instruction on how to interact with Harper? I suggest somewhere far away from the off licence.'  
Damian spat, his defences shooting right up because yes he did share a bed with father, on occasion. Deep down he enjoyed lazy Sunday mornings, watching whatever film was on Father's TV, Titus and Alfred were even allowed to join them and the times when Grayson joined them? Well, Damian kept those memories locked safely away and no mothering archer was getting anywhere near them.

'Damian this is very important. I need you to be brave for me.'  
Pulling sharply back out of Oliver's grasp, Damian shook his head, tears brimming in his eyes. This was confusing, his head hurt and he just wanted his father back and for everyone else to go away and leave them alone.  
'I am already brave! I am the son of Batman!'  
'Yes, but Da-'  
'No, no why are you here? Why are you asking me stupid questions? What has Todd done?'  
Two hands rested on his shoulders and Damian scowled up at Queen, who looked on the verge of tears himself, and so very, very tired.  
'Damian, Jason has done nothing wrong. Okay?'  
'Well, we all know that's a lie!' Damian yelled back before kicking Queen in the shin, hard, and running off.

He needed to help father, something was wrong.  
Charging back through the entrance to the Manor, Damian raced up to his bedroom, locking the door behind him.  
Todd had done something and now Father was in trouble.  
He couldn't understand what or why all Damian knew was that he needed help.  
Scrambling over to his bedside table, he ignored the hammering on his bedroom door and collected his phone, dialling the only person he could think of.  
'Little D?'  
'Grayson!' Damian gasped, diving underneath his bed when Queen started yelling along with his hammering. 'Grayson something is wrong and I do not understand. You must come home immediately, and bring Todd with you.'  
'Dami, Dami deep breaths for me. What's going on? Who's yelling?'  
'I am in my bedroom. Queen is trying to apprehend me. Do not worry he shall not succeed. Kent and Harper are in the Cave with Father, they took me away from him. Something is wrong and it has something to do with Todd. You must fetch him at once and force him to make them stop. Kent and Father ought not to fight, again. I find it disconcerting when they fight.'  
'Damian, hold on okay. Just stay where you are. I'll find Jason, and then I'll come for you okay? We'll sort this out. Just, please, don't kill Oliver Queen.'


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, the trio finally get the answers they are looking for. Or do they? In the search for answers have more questions just been dragged up instead?
> 
> One thing is certain, you mess with one Bat, you find that there is an entire family to deal with.
> 
> *for those who don't know this is the Spoon Theory ..https://youtu.be/jn5IBsm49Rk *

'Jason? Jason can you hear me?'  
Dick?  
Frowning, Jason blinked open his eyes and looked up to see Dick and Tim frowning down at him in concern.  
'Jason? Are you okay? How long have you been on the floor like this?'  
Dick was talking again but Jason couldn't focus on the words to understand what they meant. It was just noise, it made his head hurt. Lifting his head, the muscles in his neck screamed in protest, stiff from being in one position for a long time, Jason looked out of the window. The sun was setting? It had been rising a minute ago?  
Worrying his bottom lip, he looked down to see that he was still sat up against the wardrobe, his phone by his bare feet. Drawing the comforter further around his shoulders he ducked his head with a small whimper. Nothing made sense. The fog so thick and heavy around him he could barely recognise his own being and if he could only have the energy, he would be frightened.

'Jason? Jason please, you're worrying me. Say something?'  
He heard the anguish in Dick's voice, knees colliding with the ground next to him, a hand touching his cautiously.  
'Little Wing? It's Big Bird, you're safe, Little Wing.'  
'Morning?'  
Jason's voice was raspy and barely audible but Dick managed to catch the word before it vanished into the dusty silence of the room. Frowning, Dick exchanged a look with Tim, who merely spun on his heel and left the room. Looking back at his brother, Dick reached out and brushed the white hair off Jason's sweaty face.  
'Little Wing? Oh Little Wing have you been sat here since this morning?  
'Roy'  
'Roy? What about Roy? Jaybird?'  
'Gone. Morning.'  
Dick watched helplessly as it all became too much for Jason and he slumped back against the wardrobe, heavy eyelids closing to only reveal slits of teal. 

'D, we need to get him to Gotham.'  
Tim spoke up as he re-entered the room with a glass of water. Sighing Dick frowned at him before running his fingers through Jason's hair again, he didn't respond. He was almost catatonic.  
'I haven't seen him like this since Arkham.' He muttered more to himself than anything else, fear twisting in his stomach. What the hell had happened to his brother? He had to get him dressed and enroute to Gotham before WW3 broke out. In desperation, Dick clung onto what Tim had taught him not so long ago when the teen was refusing to leave his couch.  
'Jason? Little Wing what happened to your spoons? Where are your spoons Little Wing?'  
'My spoons?' Jason mumbled blinking open his eyes fully again he looked at Dick with lucidity. 'Spoons?'  
With a stiff, shaky hand Jason pointed out of the room, and Dick followed the finger with his eyes, shaking his head in confusion.  
'Jaybird? I don't understand. What are you pointing at?'  
'The kitchen, D. Jason is pointing to the kitchen, his actual spoons. I don't think we know about the Spoon Theory.' Tim offered his explanation with a forced smile, fighting the urge to facepalm. 

Walking over, the teen crouched down in front of Jason and lifted the water to his brother's chapped lips, tilting the glass so the liquid pressed against them.  
'Drink.' Was the only instruction he gave.  
Jason frowned for a moment, as if not understanding, before his lips parted and he took a gulp of water dutifully.  
'Spoon Theory?  
'Ssh. It's okay. Ignore Dick, he's being a moron.' Tim began before seeing the recognition flash in Jason's eyes. 'Wait. Spoon Theory, you do know it?'  
Taking another gulp of water as the glass was once again pressed against his lips, Jason nodded.  
'Didn't know Dick did.'  
Dick looked just a little offended at this and Tim smiled.  
'Okay. Well, Clark is currently killing our Dad. So, fancy finding a spoon, getting dressed and stopping him?'

Dick groaned and joined Jason in slumping against the wardrobe, just waiting for the entire thing to go south. Jason's frown increased before, being the bright little button that he is, he put two and two together and came up with four. Eyes widening he looked back at the crumpled bed.  
'Oh fuck.'  
'And there's the spoon! Come on Jay, shower time.'  
Tim's hands were suddenly on his arms and before he knew which way was up, Jason was on his feet and being pushed out of the bedroom door towards the bathroom.  
'Oh fuck.'  
'Yeah, well, we'll sort out the oh fuck when you smell less like ass. Under the spray Romeo and duck down, I refuse to jump.'

Dick collapsed down onto Jason's couch and let out a tired groan. First, he was woken up after a hard, long night by Clark asking random questions. Then, just to make the day ten times weirder, he got the distress call off Damian, and then had to drag a reluctant Tim out of his pit, because at the, end of the day, even Babs struggled to keep tabs on Jason. Tim was his best chance of finding their brother and saving Bruce.  
Looking around, there were no other signs of Jason's mental health slipping, the place was in tip top condition, the calendar was swamped with coloured dots and odd words, Jason had plans.  
Yet despite his surroundings saying otherwise, Jason was the worst he had seen him in a long time. This state must have come on pretty swiftly but what on earth could have happened to cause that? Why was Roy in Gotham and not at Jason's side? Did Roy not care about his little brother?  
Frowning Dick thought back to Jason's bedroom, there had been clothes strewn everywhere, the bedclothes crumpled and there had been an unused condom on the bedside table. That meant something, he was sure of it, but for the life of him he couldn't work out what? It was hardly news that Jason and Roy were at it like rabbits, he just didn't want to picture his ex-best friend doing that to his little brother.  
It was weird.  
Fucking Jason!  
Burying his head in his hands, Dick gave up trying to figure his brother out, as usual, and relented to just sitting and listening to Tim try to cajole Jason back to the land of the sane with soap and water. Tim seemed to have a much better handle on this and despite himself that, hurt, a little. He was Jason's big brother. He had tried to be there, especially after his death, he tried to look out for him, do the right thing by him but he didn't get Jason. He never had and in brutal honestly he probably never would. And that? That hurt.

A hammering on Jason's door startled Dick to his feet.  
Who the hell would be knocking on his brother's door?  
A few likely suspects came to mind and none of them were overly welcome. Swallowing, Dick reached down and claimed the gun that was lying on the coffee table. Stepping quietly towards the knocking, he cast a glance back at the bathroom which held his brothers before clicking off the safety.  
The knocking came again.  
Inhaling sharply, Dick flung open the front door and aimed the gun at the figure standing on the doorstep.  
'You have ten seconds to clear off whoever you are!'  
'Richard? Yet another pleasant surprise. Would you kindly stop aiming that firearm at me before you and I have a falling out?'  
Blinking, Dick lowered the gun to see Bruce swaying in the doorway with a not too chirpy expression. He was battered and bruised but alive and, not in Gotham?  
'Bruce? You're here? I thought Clark was killing you?'  
'I see good news travels fast.' Bruce grumbled, eyes glued on the gun in Dick's hand.  
A hand came down heavily on Bruce's shoulder, almost sending the man crumbling to the ground with the force of it.  
'The day isn't over yet.'

Setting his jaw, Dick watched Clark step out of the shadow of the hallway, looking hurt, tired and above all, angry.  
'Clark what are you doing? Stop hurting him!' Dick growled, finger itching to go back to the trigger but he knew it was pointless. Clark was bulletproof and all it would earn him was a jolly good scolding off Bruce when this was over and done with.  
'Bruce, seems to be having a little trouble remembering important details. Where's Jason, Dick? I know you think you're protecting him but this cannot go on. You boys mean the world to me and I won't allow this to carry on.'  
'What? Bruce what's he going on about? I-'  
'Where is Jason, Dick?'  
Before the confused young man could answer, the sound of a door opening carried through the apartment and there was a sound of bare feet walking towards them.

'B-Bruce?'  
Turning Dick gaped at Jason who was stood as naked as the day he was born, water dripping onto his shoulders as he glowered at Clark, hands forming fists at his sides.  
'Let go of my Dad right now Clark or I will make you!'  
'Um Little Wing?'  
'Shut up Dickface. Why haven't you made him let Bruce go? Let Bruce go Clark! I said. LET. HIM.GO!'  
Yeah, maybe bringing Jason into, well, whatever this was, hadn't been Dick's brightest idea. On the other hand, Clark and Bruce were so busy trying to avert their eyes, no one thought to actually argue with Jason and Clark removed his hand from Bruce's shoulder. That was a positive, he supposed.

'Jay! Jason stop! Jay you forgot the-'  
Tim barged into doorway, he looked around the group before closing his eyes in abject defeat.  
'Balls!'  
Wincing at the unintended pun, he moved to wrap the towel around his brother's waist, who was too busy giving Clark the Batglare to acknowledge him.  
'Let's - let's cover up Little Jay before we start giving Superman death threats hmm? Sound like a plan Big Jay?  
'Big Jay?' The flirtatious thanks were at odds with the continuing glare. 'I learnt to use it really well too, Babybird.'  
'Oh my fucking God, Jay!'  
A familiar voice echoed from the hallway into the room.  
'Really, really not the time!'

Finally breaking his stare, Jason looked over Clark's shoulder to see Roy standing with Oliver looking, worried.  
'What have you done?' Jason asked shakily, tears welling as his anger rose again. 'What the fuck have you done Roy?'  
'Jason enough. Calm down. Roy is acting in your own best interests.' Oliver spoke up, only for Jason to cradle his head in his hands and let out a roar of anguish.  
'I didn't fucking touch him in anyway that I didn't ask for. Leave him alone.'  
'Bluejay? Bluejay it's okay. You don't have to say anything. We made a promise remember?'  
Bruce tried to step forwards to console his hurting son only to be stopped by Clark's hand on his shoulder again.  
Dick glanced at Tim who looked just as confused as he did before cocking an eyebrow at Jason.  
'Jay? Jay what are they talking about? What are you saying?'

A dark chuckle escaped his lips and Jason lifted his eyes to look at Bruce in amusement.  
'You do know you've made this sound ten times worse now right? Like you're trying to manipulate me into staying quiet? And mentioning the promise? Jesus, unlike you I've got Safeguarding Training now and that's a bad word, almost as bad as keeping secrets. Do you want Clark to kill you?'  
Frowning Bruce cocked his head at this before dragging a hand down in face in dismay, smearing the blood from his bleeding nose as he did so.  
'Jason now is not the time. Although I would like a copy of your certificate for your file.'  
'File? What file? You have a file! What the fuck B? I don't even work for you! God!'  
'I like to keep a record of your achievements is that so bad?'  
'Clicking the right answer on a multiple choice test online is not an achievement! I completed the crossword in yesterday's newspaper, would you like a copy of that too?'  
'Woah! Woah! Stop, back up and make a U turn, we are going off in a tangent here. No one cares about a stupid file.' Oliver yelled over the bickering glaring between Bruce and Jason.  
'I do!'  
'Shut up Jason!' Dick snapped feeling more and more confused and frustrated as this conversation went on. 'Can we please stop fighting guys? Let's all take deep breaths and go into the living room and we an talk about this like the adults we're supposed to be? Okay?'

Grumbling the troop of vigilantes made there way into the living room. Clark forcing Bruce down onto a chair, ignoring the glares he received off the resident Batboys. Roy moved to sit next to Jason l, who had slumped down another wall and was sat on the floor with his head in his hands.  
He redirected to go sit next to Oliver on the couch, when Tim wrapped an arm around his big brother and silently dared Roy to come any closer. Whispering reassurances into his brother's ear, Tim tucked the towel further between Jason's spread legs, as his brother seemed to have forgotten what modesty was.  
If one thing out of all of this was more apparent than ever, it was how protective the Batfamily was of each other. No matter what past indiscretions, when trouble hit the Batfamily condensed in on themselves, fighting off any and all outsiders. If you hurt one Bat, you had an entire family to answer to.  
Such a reaction fit in with the abuse Bruce was accused of but at the same time, it didn't, something was not quite right about that theory.

Clearing his throat, Clark watched Tim and Dick lift their heads to scowl at him, eyes full of hurt and hatred, looks he hated to see in the boys who he had helped to practically raise.  
Choosing to ignore them, he cast his eyes over to Jason who was still studying the inside of his hands.  
'Jason. I know, I understand you think you were old enough, but you were fifteen.'  
'No!' Jason groaned lowering his hands he began to beat his head back against the wall. 'No!'  
'Jason stop it, we're trying to help you! Timothy?'  
Oliver shot a pleading look over at a shell shocked Tim who nodded before holding Jason's head still in his hands, struggling against him.  
'No, no Jay. Don't do that. Shush.' Leaning down he rested his head against Jason's shoulder and let out a hitched sob. 'Please Jason? You're making them angry. You need to be strong Jaybird, please make them see that you're okay? That Bruce is okay? Please? You're my Robin, save us!'  
Jason's head collided with the wall one final time and much to everyone, except Bruce's, surprise the young man burst out laughing. Dick frowned as Bruce grew agitated struggling against Clark to get to Jason.

'Enough! Clark stop this right now! This is cruel. Stop hurting my son. Can't you see what you're doing? For what? To prove a point? Let me go to him.'  
'You're going nowhere near him!' Roy spat, getting up only to be pushed roughly back down by Dick, who was now barely keeping it together. Bruce was right. This was wrong. No matter what this was about, doing this to Jason was wrong. Roy was meant to be looking after Jason not creating drama.  
'And neither are you, Harper! You think a quick fuck makes you anything more than a notch in Jason's belt? I am his brother and you are going to sit next to daddy dearest and keep as quiet as possible.'  
'Richard-'  
'Shut up Queen. I wasn't talking to you.' Turning on his heel, Dick took up guard on Jason's other side, clutching his free hand, Dick exchanged a nod with Tim.

Sighing Clark despaired at the entire situation. The closer he got to the crux of the matter, the tighter the Batfamily closed in on themselves, it was like trying to pummel his way through a wall laced with kryptonite.  
'Jason? Listen to me. Jason you said that Bruce touched you? Jason you may think you asked for it but you were fifteen, you may have felt, thought that you wanted to but you were too young to make that decision. To understand-'  
Jason's laughter turned into a howl, tugging a hand free he wiped the tears from his eyes and took a few deep, grounding breaths.  
'Oh Clark, you think fifteen was young?' Jason opened his mouth to say more before catching Dick's quizzical gaze and closing it again. Taking a few more deep breaths he cast his eyes around the room before settling on Bruce who looked so heartbroken? Disappointed? No he was probably disappointed. They had a secret. A secret Jason had taken to his grave, a secret that would have given Bruce his innocence but instead he had taken a beating. Despite everything else Jason was sure of one thing, Bruce would always keep their secret, their promise, to death and beyond. If there was one thing in this world Jason trusted it was that.  
He could feel Clark's eyes baring into him, knew just knew he was listening to his heartbeat. How it was slowing with lucid thought and steady breaths, listening for the slight increase if he lied.  
It's why Bruce was here. If Clark had asked about sexual contact, Bruce couldn't lie to him. The realisation made Jason's cheeks burn in shame at that particular memory.  
Bruce Wayne couldn't lie to Clark Kent, but Jason Todd could.

Lifting his eyes Jason smirked and looked between Bruce and Clark.  
'You asked him if he had had sexual contact with me. Didn't you?'  
Eyes widening, Dick swallowed and watched Clark nod his head solemnly.  
'That's right, Jason. I think you know what he said?'  
'Oh yes.' Jason replied with an enthusiastic nod. 'But I fear you're mistaken.'  
'Oh really?' Oliver snapped, folding his arms he cocked an eyebrow. 'Let me guess, you have the hidden piece of the puzzle that proves Bruce's innocence.'  
'I do.' Jason replied hotly before looking over a Bruce and smiling fondly at him. Dick just gaped in disbelief. 'The man is so fucking virtuous. Do you know how many of the women he takes to bed he actually fucks? He saw my dick. That's right. I walked into the bedroom and he saw my dick and went into a meltdown about it. It's how I got the scar on me forehead. He carries around the guilt to this day. Pathetic Old Man that he is.'

The room fell silent, all eyes looking from Jason's smug smile to Bruce's wide eyed shock before everyone looked towards the resident lie detector.  
'He's telling the truth.' Clark spoke after a few long minutes, frowning in confusion. 'Bruce didn't touch you?'  
'Bruce didn't touch me. Bruce has never touched me, or my siblings, or any other child.'  
'So you're saying Bruce saw your penis?' Oliver asked uncomfortably, looking between Bruce and Jason, who just rolled his eyes.  
'Yes. Now after tonight? Hands up all those who have seen my junk!'  
Slowly every single hand in the room was raised in the air, Bruce looked amused if a little impressed. Raising his hand to join the others, Dick frowned and looked up at Bruce.  
'Wait, is this what your phone call was about Clark? Bruce and I only snuggled? When I said I got into his pyjamas, I meant literally? I used to wear his pyjama tops and-'  
'Richard? I know you think you are helping but you're really not.'  
Bruce chided with a soft smile and Dick frowned before nodding and dutifully shutting up.  
'Anyway, ignoring the Dickhead in the corner, everyone has now seen Jason's junk so no one has the right to accuse the other of seeing it. Can we all drop this and leave me the hell alone now?'  
Snorting Tim shook his head and nudged his brother.  
'We've all seen Jason's Junk. We have got to put that on t-shirts.'  
'Do that and me and you dance like the old days, Replacement.'

'Wait.' Oliver spoke up, lowering his hand he frowned down at Jason before looking at Roy.  
'I know what happened last night Jason. Roy told me every and dear God I mean every detail. That wasn't a response of someone whose adopted father saw their dick one time?'  
Despite himself, Jason felt his breath hitch, Clark's eyes narrowed. It hurt, he didn't want to hurt Roy but given a choice between him or his family? Jason knew that there was no contest.  
'Harper was mistaken. He got the wrong end of the stick.' Jason mumbled hoping that Roy saw the apology in his eyes.  
Roy didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG another chapter?! Anyone would think I had no uni work to do


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can I talk to you about foxes?

Roy looked at Jason blankly before rising slowly to his feet and walking out. The only sound was the slamming of the front door.  
Jason lifted his eyes and watched him leave, for the second time in twenty four hours he watched his boyfriend leave because of him.   
'I'm tired. I'm gonna go to bed now. Show yourselves out.'  
Without looking at a single member of his family, Jason scrambled up onto unsteady feet and stumbled his way to the bedroom and closed the door firmly behind him.  
'Humming Tim scooted over to Bruce and looked over at the bedroom door apprehensively.  
'You do know he's gone to sulk, right B?'  
Shrugging a shoulder at the silence, Tim shook his head and sighed.  
'I'd offer to go and give him a hug but he thinks cuddling is a bad touch.'  
'Timothy!' Bruce scolded, raising an eyebrow he watched the teen shrink back in shame.  
'Sorry. I actually have no idea why I say this stuff?'  
'Maybe try actually sleeping, and generally participating in self care every once in a while, Timmy?' Dick suggested oh so helpfully with a shiteating grin.  
'Well, yes, I would but, but, well?'  
The shiteating grin grew to big brother has just owned you and Tim just closed his eyes and sighed again.  
'Oh shut up Dick.'  
'Bruce told you to shut up.'  
'Shut up.'  
'You shut up.  
'Shut up.'  
'Shut up.'  
'Both of you shut up! You're giving me a migraine.' Bruce interrupted, pinching the bridge of his nose to prove his point. 'Now, I'm going to finish up here. Maybe you two could make yourselves useful, and go home to see if Damian has come out from underneath his bed yet?'  
Eyes widening at the realisation, Dick shot up like a jack in a box and started dragging Tim along by the collar.  
'Oh God! Little D! We left him all alone!'  
Pulling himself free, Tim rolled his eyes and followed his brother regardless.  
'Oh no! We've left the demon unattended! How on earth with Gotham survive! Quick to the Dickmobile!'  
'Tim that sounds so wrong. Please shut up.'  
'No you shut up.'

Oliver smirked a little at the pair of brothers making their way out of the apartment and the look of pure tiredness that Bruce gave them as they left. Now that was the Batfamily he knew, the Bruce who was his friend and ally. The relief to find out that all this was just a misunderstanding between Roy and Jason was indescribable. In the end though, maybe some good had come out of it? Roy had actually said more than 'yes' and 'no' to him, which was a first.  
Letting out a weary yawn, he turned to Clark and cocked an eyebrow.  
'Come on, I think we may have outstayed our welcome.' Seeing the anxious glance at the bedroom door, Oliver shook his head and sighed. 'Let it go Clark. Jason will be fine and so will Bruce, they always are. Let them say goodbye in private.'  
This didn't convince Clark but he at least relented and stood when Oliver did to leave, looking back over at Bruce he hung his head and let out a heavy sigh.  
'Bruce I-'  
'Don't Clark. I would have done the same in your position.'  
Nodding Clark cast a final concerned look at his best friend before giving up and following Oliver out of the apartment.  
'We're going to talk about this.'  
Bruce would have been surprised if they weren't.

Jason couldn't face getting into the bed that all of this crap had started in. It just didn't cross his mind to simply change the sheets and go to bed like he wanted to. In the end he just stood by the window, cigarette in hand and watched his loved ones leave one by one, all except one.  
'This has got to stop Jason.'  
Closing his eyes, Jason took a deep drag and opened the window, knowing how much Bruce hated the smell of cigarette smoke. He heard him walk closer and instinctively flinched back, to press against the glass.  
'Don't touch me!'  
Holding up his hands in surrender, Bruce sat down on the bed heavily.  
'Okay, that's okay Jason. Please, sit down, we need to talk about this.'  
Turning Jason lit up another cigarette, eyebrows disappearing into his hairline as he watched his Dad get comfortable on the crumpled sheets with a straight face. He knew what he was sitting on right? What had happened in there?  
'Yes Jason. You're the only one who has issues with this. Now, sit down boy.'  
Bruce's voice was clear and firm and Jason almost choked on the cigarette smoke. Had he done a Tim and vocalised his thoughts without realising? Now that was a whole new depth of insanity he really did not wish to visit.  
'No, you didn't say anything. I just know you. Now, for the last time, sit down Jason.'

It really wasn't worth the argument and quite frankly Jason really didn't have the spoons for yet another argument.   
Spoons?   
Jesus fucking Christ, Timothy fucking Drake.  
Giving a stroppy huff, just to make sure Bruce knew he wasn't happy about it, he sat down on the bed and tried to hide the wince when the dirty sheets touched his thighs.  
'Sex isn't always something to be ashamed of Jason. It doesn't always have to be something vulgar and repulsive. Sex, it can be comforting, healing to be wrapped in someone else's arms. I'm sure Roy could tell you more about the temporary high it can give you. Sex doesn't have to be dirty not with the right person. Roy is the right person, Jason.' Bruce began, eyes completely focused on his hands in his lap.  
Oh God, closing his eyes Jason swallowed down the tempest of emotions this conversation was dragging up. This is not a conversation he wanted to have with the closest thing he had to a father. He had hoped such awfully awkward and confusing conversations with the man had ended, when he had taken his last breath in that warehouse.  
'I don't want to have this conversation with you, Bruce.'

Nodding Bruce smiled sadly and took the unused condom from the bedside table and pressed it into Jason's hands firmly. The boy only just managed to suppress his shudder but the disgust on his face was as clear as day.  
'No and you shouldn't be, it's not me you need to be having this conversation with Jason. It's him. Talk to him. Tell Roy how you feel, about what happened to you.'  
'Roy's left me. You saw him walk out.'  
'If you believe that then you're an idiot.' Bruce shot back, ducking down to catch Jason's watery eye, unflinching at the maelstrom of emotions he saw in them. Bruce had never flinched, not once. 'Talk to him.'  
'No'  
'Then talk to Dinah, or Dr Leland, you liked her? You need to talk to someone about this, Jay.'  
'I don't need to talk to your damn therapists Bruce!' Jason almost yelled, fist curling around the condom in his hand.  
'Then you can talk to Roy. You need to start talking, son.'  
'I'm not your son!' Jason spat. Throwing away the condom, he scowled at Bruce's blank expression. For some reason, the fact that Bruce never showed emotion, never reacted to what Jason said, always made him angry and uncertain. Most people looked horrified, heartbroken or scared, sometimes a mixture of all three. 'Your sons are already on their way home. Go with them.'  
'Jason, you will always be my-'  
'Get lost Bruce! Or do you want to cop another eyeful?'

Realising that Jason was reaching the end of his tether, Bruce admitted defeat and stood up slowly.  
'Jason that's inappropriate. A simple goodbye would of sufficed.'  
'Get fucking lost you fucking fucktard and the leave me the fuck alone. I just want to be left the fuck alone you fuck!' Jason practically screamed, jumping to his feet he placed a hand threateningly on the towel around his waist.  
Sighing, Bruce merely rolled his eyes and shook his head.  
'Such eloquent English. When Alfred comes back from London I shall inform him that the first editions he has been sending have been put to such good use.'  
'Fuck off!' Jason yelled back, hand pulling the knot free and the towel dropped to the floor. Inhaling deeply, Bruce purposely placed a hand over his eyes and opened the door.  
'Jason, I am leaving alright? This behaviour is not acceptable, cover yourself back up before Roy walks in.'  
'Roy's already seen it along with every-fucker-else!'  
Removing his hand, Bruce levelled Jason with a heavy authoritative glare.  
'Goodbye Jason.'

Bruce left the apartment quickly and quietly, nodding a farewell to Roy, who was hiding on the fire escape with a cigarette.  
'Look after yourselves.'  
Roy looked up at him with wet cheeks before offering him a weak smile and a salute.  
Mirroring the action, Bruce went to drive home before realising he didn't actually drive here. All of his cars were still in Gotham, the prospect of getting the train made him want to openly weep.  
'Need a lift?'  
Bruce closed his eyes and let out a small chuckle of amusement.  
'Might have known you would still be hanging around like a bad smell.'  
'I thought you might need a friend. You sure look like you do?' Clark said with just a hint of amusement, this time laying his hand gently on his friend's shoulder.  
'Yes, well, it's been a very long day. I suppose one should be used to being attacked by illegal aliens by now.'  
Chuckling Clark shook his head and cocked an eyebrow.  
'Careful Bruce, you're sounding like you should be stood on the side of the road with a placard!'  
Bruce looked less than impressed by this and mirrored Clark's cocked eyebrow with one of his own.  
'I don't think I'd be welcomed. My son is gay.'  
'Which one?'  
The look on Bruce's face was so defeated it was adorable and Clark couldn't help but grin and nudge him playfully. Pursing his lips at Bruce's continued silence, Clark rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and offered a shrug.

'I know Jason lied. I don't know how, his heart rate stayed he same but what he said wasn't the truth. I know you didn't touch him but someone did, didn't they Bruce?'  
Bruce bristled, the amusement that had been in his eyes, fizzling into the cold hard state he showed the rest of the world.  
'I won't talk about this with you. It is Jason's past not mine. I promised to keep his secret.'  
'But Bruce? That's, you can't agree to keep secrets like that? It's does more damage than good. You-'  
'You think I don't know that Clark? That after one stupid, emotionally driven decision I made years ago, I am stuck in this hell? Seeing what Jason has become, knowing I'm to blame! If I break my promise now it shall do more harm than good, you know that.' Bruce spat with barely contained anger coated with self hatred. Closing his eyes Bruce sighed and shook his head dejectedly.  
'Clark, there are some things you can't picture your kids doing.'  
The statement was so simple, so raw and in the end so terribly Bruce.  
Closing his eyes, Clark squeezed the shoulder he was holding and swallowed the knot of tears threatening to take over. He should have known.  
'How did Jason get his scar Bruce? I know he wasn't telling the truth but he wasn't lying either?'  
Pulling away, Bruce sank down onto the kerb of the sidewalk and buried his face into his hands.

 

'I did it. I should have known, I should have seen it all along but I didn't want to see. Jason, he agreed to come home with me. He agreed because it was the better option, I knew that. I suspected what had happened to him but I never, I never thought he believed me to be like that?'  
'Bruce-'  
Shaking off his friend's concern when Clark joined him down on the side walk, Bruce sighed and looked up at stars beginning to appear in the sky.  
'He spent weeks, waiting, patiently and calmly waiting for me to come into his bedroom and' cutting himself off Bruce took a deep breath, a clenched fist the only indication of how painful this memory was. 'One night, he gave up waiting. He came to me. I thought nothing of it. Dick always came into my bed when he was frightened or worried, hell, if he just needed a hug. I honestly thought Jason just wanted a hug. With the lights off, I didn't see that he had come to me nude. I didn't feel it when he snuggled into my chest, it wasn't until those hand slipped beneath my waistband that I felt it, that I saw what he thought this was.'  
Shaking his head Bruce looked up at Clark desperately.  
'I didn't think. I just lashed out. Sent the boy tumbling onto the floor. He smashed his head on the bedside table. I never let him back into my bed after that. Jason needed boundaries and me? I couldn't trust myself.'  
'Bruce, you didn't do anything wrong? You understand that?' Clark asked, watching as his friend turned and looked back up to the shadowy figure standing alone by the window.  
'Didn't I? His siblings have never been banned from my bedroom?'  
'Bruce, you-'  
'Just, just take me home Clark. I'm tired.'

Tim and Dick spoke very little on the way back home to Gotham. The events of evening had shaken both of them to the core. Events that both found too perplexing and distressing to try think about.  
'Tim?'  
Dick finally broke the tense silence as he switched off the engine and looked around Wayne Manor's garage.  
'What, what everyone was saying about Jason. You don't think it's true? Do you?'  
Forcing a smile, Tim shook his head and coiled his hand around the door handle.  
'Do I think Bruce sexually abused Jason? No D, I don't.'  
The answer seemed to bring some relief to Dick and his shoulders relaxed slightly.  
'What about someone else? Do you think Jason was hurt and, and Clark just got the wrong guy? Tim, you don't believe that do you?'  
Tim's brow furrowed a little in thought before he turned away, watching how his knuckles became white around the door handle.  
'It is something I do not wish to picture my brother doing. Do wish to picture that?'  
Shaking his head Dick let out a long heavy breath before lying fully back in the seat, eyes searching the felted ceiling above them.  
'No. The thought of Jason doing that? It makes me feel physically ill. I don't think I could look at him in the same way again.'  
Forcing another smile, Tim reached out and took his brother's hands with a reassuring hum.  
'Let's just forget this night ever happened Dick. Just keep telling yourself it was one big misunderstanding.'   
Smiling sadly, Dick nodded and squeezed the hand back and opened the car door. Dickie Grayson firmly back and ready to go.  
'Come on Timmy. Let's go find Dami and then we can choose a film to watch.'

 

Bruce stood on Wayne Manor's doorstep as he turned to nod his farewell to Clark who just gave him a dark, somber look.  
'Bruce? I know you won't talk about it but please, please just reassure me that whoever hurt Jason was brought to justice?'  
Pausing, Bruce's lips thinned before he nodded slowly.  
'One, yes.'  
'One?'  
A single look had Clark backing up and holding a hand out in surrender.  
'I personally made sure he went down for his crimes. I even managed to keep Jason's name out of it as other children had been involved. He was incarcerated at Blackgate.'  
'Was?'  
Picking up on the past tense Bruce used, Clark watched his friend look almost on the verge of tears if he didn't know any better.  
'The slimeball got out last year. Good behaviour apparently. I'm still trying to find some new evidence of his current activities but he's gotten good at hiding his tracks.'  
Clark always understood Jason's reasoning when it came to his moral code, and right then? Without even knowing the man, Clark was more than willing to find the scum and watch him fry with his heat vision.   
'Does Jason know?'  
Shaking his head Bruce winced when Clark scowled and hissed at him viciously 'You can't keep stuff like that a secret Bruce!'  
'What else can I do?' Bruce snapped, throwing his arms out to the side in desperation. 'Jason has only just reached what can only loosely be called stability. Knowing that he is out of jail will break him. I can't send him back to Arkham, Clark, I won't do it. If keeping the boy in the dark means that I can keep my son safe in the community? Then by God I will!'  
Clark barely flinched at his friends anger and inclined his head, making sure to keep eye contact with him.  
'That is not your decision to make Bruce. Jason has a right to know. Yes the news might be distressing and that's why you make sure the support is in place. You can't keep this from him in the name of protecting him.'  
'Good bye Clark!'  
'No, no,Bruce listen to me!'

Bruce didn't listen to him.  
Closing the door wearily, he made his way up the grand staircase, making his way to his bedroom. He would have called out for his sons but he was too tired to play the game and knew full well where they all would be. A light peeped out from under his bedroom door into the dark hallway and Bruce couldn't help but smile.  
Opening the door revealed three faces peeping out from beneath his duvet cover, Star Wars was playing on the TV and Dick was clutching a bowl of popcorn like it was his first born child.  
'You children do know there are many rooms in this manor if your own rooms are disagreeable?'  
'We like this room B' Tim shot back around a mouthful of popcorn.  
Pursing his lips, Bruce frowned and headed towards his ensuite to get changed.  
'Hmm, do not get popcorn in my sheets again or all three of you will be on a cookie ban.'  
There were three audible gasps as Bruce got ready for bed.  
Manoeuvring his way under the covers, Bruce felt his heart swell, when three bodies immediately moved to latch onto him. Despite himself though he couldn't help but miss the fourth, the fourth little boy who should be here too but never was and never will be.   
His Jason.

Jason didn't know how long he stood at the window but he'd had a full packet of cigarettes when he came into the bedroom. Now, only two remained.  
It was cold, tremors travelled down his bared limbs, the towel damp and uncomfortable around his waist but Jason made no move to get changed. The past far too close to home, swirling pictures, sounds and names in his mind, the blank nothing of memories forever lost, left behind in his grave never to be retrieved.   
'Uncle.' He muttered to the stars, tears he tried so hard to hide once again rolling down his cheeks.  
'Jason.'  
Roy called out from where he stood in the doorway, from the tone alone Jason knew it was a mere announcement of his presence than an invitation to start a conversation.  
Instead Jason waited for him to be yelled at. Normally people shouted at him when everything went tits up like this. Instead he heard a rustling.  
Frowning, he silently watched Roy strip the bedding from the night before, collecting the trail of clothing in his armful he disappeared again.  
He returned with the familiar hum of the washing machine and started digging out fresh bedding without a word, making the bed to the exact perfection Jason liked, envelope folds and all.  
Jason could only stand and watch in shocked confusion. Did Bruce tell Roy about the bed? No he couldn't of, he'd watched him leave, Bruce had only spoken to Clark.

Suddenly his vision went black and Jason panicked, hands clawing out in front of him to fight against the darkness that consumed him.  
'Hey, easy. Easy Jaybird, I'm getting you dressed.' Roy spoke softly, pulling down the t-shirt he smiled reassuringly at Jason, guiding trembling arms through the arm holes. 'See? You must be cold in just that towel.'  
Blinking, Jason's tongue was heavy and useless in his mouth as he looked down at his favourite shirt to sleep in, in confusion. Did Roy know it was his favourite?  
The floor vanished to be replaced by the bed and Roy was tugging on what Jason liked to call his bad day sweat pants. They were loose and warm and the waistband was soft against his hips. How did Roy know this?  
'Lie down, Jaybird.'

It didn't occur to Jason to protest.   
He lay down, curling up on his side as not only the covers but his comforter were tucked gently around him. His comforter, Roy had given him that before he left this morning. Brushing his fingers along the soft, fluffy fabric he felt his breaths shudder to a slower, more relaxed rate.  
He was safe. For the first time in 24 hours he felt safe, and Roy was here.  
Maybe Bruce was right? Roy had come back like Bruce said he would. Maybe, maybe just this once, Bruce could be right. The exception to prove the rule and all that.  
'R-Roy? You, are you staying?'  
'Hush Jaybird. Go to sleep. Of course I'm staying, what do I say about that talk huh?'  
A heavy breath left his lips and Jason felt the mattress dip as Roy got into his side of the bed. He daren't turn to face him or risk losing his words.  
'Are you mad at me?'  
'A little Jason, yes. I'm angry that you lied like that to Clark.'  
Nodding slightly, Jason rubbed the soft comforter against his cheek and took a few deep breaths. Yeah, yeah that made sense.   
'You were mistaken though. It wasn't Bruce.'  
'Yeah, I figured.'  
Jason swallowed down a wince when he felt Roy turn on to his side to look at him, obviously sensing that Jason wanted to talk but not wanting to scare him away.

'Roy?' Jason had hoped to sound stronger, but in the end the name just came out hollow and laced with fear.  
'Yeah?'  
'Roy, I' closing his eyes tightly, Jason felt like a boy again, the little boy sat on the couch in the library. He couldn't find the words, in the end he fell back into what helped him broach the subject once before..  
'Roy, I, can I talk to you about foxes?'  
Roy could not have looked more confused is he'd tried.  
'Foxes?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't know how I'm writing this so fast but BOOM go me!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story Jason quotes is 'The Little Prince'.  
> It originally was printed in French and it's a Headcannon of mine that that is how Jason learnt french. Reading 'The Little Prince' with Bruce. 
> 
> I'll explain it in another fic once I've recovered from writing this one!

'Foxes?' Roy said the word again, just to make sure he had heard it right but all he got in response was a silent mound of Jaybird blanket. 'Um'  
He really, really had no clue, none at all, on how to respond to that one. Foxes? Fucking foxes?  
'Um, okay? Sure, we, we can talk about foxes? Um.'  
Roy didn't know an awful lot about foxes but if Jason was willing to actually talk to him then he'd try. If only he could come up with something other than; they begin with the letter F, have tails and eat rabbits. Hang on, do they actually eat rabbits or is that a myth?   
Luckily Roy didn't have to think much harder. Rolling into his back, Jason stared blankly at the ceiling and just began talking.  
'Pour moi, vous êtes toujours rien de plus qu'un petit garçon qui est tout semblable à cent mille petits garçons. Et je n'ai pas besoin de vous. Et vous, de votre part, ont pas besoin de moi.'  
(To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me.)

 

Wait. Seriously? Jason expected him to be translating freaking French right now? This was seriously what they were doing right now? He'd bet any amount of money Arkham never had to do this shit.Settling down on his pillow, Roy's brow furrowed in concentration as he listened, translating quietly in his head. It sounded like he was quoting a book. Yes, yes it was a book but Roy couldn't place where it was from.

'Pour vous, je suis rien de plus qu'un renard semblable à cent mille renards. Mais si vous me apprivoises, nous aurons besoin de l'autre. Pour moi, vous serez unique dans le monde entier. Pour vous, je serai unique dans le monde entier.'  
(To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world .)  
Jason almost whispered into the night, hands fisting slowly in the blankets,eyes tightly closed.

Roy's eyes widened slightly as he finally seemed to understand what Jason was trying to say. Inching just a little bit closer, he reached out and brushed Jason's hand, feeling his breath hitch.  
Pour moi, vous êtes unique dans le monde entier. J'écoute.' (To me, you are unique in all the world. I am listening.)  
Roy spoke softly, watching with bated breath as Jason cracked open his eyes before turning slightly to look at him.   
'Roy?'  
Smiling in encouragement, Roy brushed the hair from Jason's face and placed a chaste kiss on his forehead.   
'I'm listening Jaybird. J'écoute. I am listening.'   
After a few long moments Roy pressed another kiss to his forehead and tried to wiggle his fingers in between Jason's, but he wouldn't budge.  
'Jaybird please? It's okay. No matter what you tell me, I ain't gonna hate you, or be angry or repulsed by you? You're my Jaybird. Look at what I already know about ya? Have I left? Have I runaway? No, because I ain't going no where. No matter what. Jason, let me tame you, like you have tamed me.'  
The final words seemed to to break through that wall around Jason's secret. Roy had seen the cracks begin to show as soon as Bruce had shown up and now he watched the bricks crumble, falling away to reveal a part of Jason he barely knew. The Jason before Robin.  
Slowly, fingers twitched, as if sparked to life by electricity, before curling around Roy's, clutching onto him as if to make sure he kept true to his word.

'I didn't know what was happening to me until it was already happening. How could I stop something I barely understood? I trusted him.'   
Turning away, Jason stared at the ceiling again tears, prickling his eyes.   
'Please, you gotta believe me. I didn't want it.'  
'I believe you.' Roy literally breathed, his heart now a full time resident in his throat. Those words, simple yet enough to stop Roy in his tracks. Such simple words but the weight behind them was almost unbearable to listen to, he dreaded to think what it must feel like to speak them.  
'Who? Who Jaybird?'  
There was a long silence and when Jason spoke the name it was so quiet Roy almost didn't realise he had started speaking again.  
'Uncle Robbie. He wasn't my uncle.'  
Nodding slowly Roy joined Jason in studying the ceiling, his free hand resting calmly on his chest.  
'Oh.'  
'He- he was my social worker.'  
'Oh?'  
That surprised Roy, not because of the profession, it kind of made sense with the whole position of trust stuff, it was-  
'Willis was a bastard and mom was high more times than not. You honestly think the social weren't involved Harper?' Jason snapped, suddenly glaring at the flaking paint above them and Roy just sighed.   
'I'm sorry. Okay, so, so, this social worker?'  
'Willlis was so desperate to please. When Uncle first came round he made me sit on his lap. Anything to get 'em off our backs.'

Roy was hardly green in this area. Even back when he'd been working with Ollie he had heard stories like this. Terrified victims slouched against walls, cowering in shelters or hospital beds. He thought he'd be able to cope with this, it was just another story like hundreds of others. Except it wasn't. Like the quote from wherever Jason had got it from, Jason was not one little boy just like a hundred thousand other little boys, this was his Jaybird. Picturing Jason just sitting in the lap of a man like that, just, he couldn't do it. He was too close, this was too close and Roy hadn't prepared for that. The knowledge that this was just going to get worse made that nausea swirl in his stomach again.

'H-How old?'  
'Seven.'   
'Seven.'  
'Yeah. I barely remember to be honest. Was too young to remember. In a way it was like Uncle Robbie was always there, in the background. He'd take me out places y'know? I never went out places unless he took me. We went to the movies and the park.' Closing his eyes, Jason smiled slightly at whatever was playing behind his eyelids and Roy wanted to prise his eyes back open make him stop smiling like that.   
'He wasn't that bad.'  
'No, no Jason come on, think about what you are saying. You know better now. What do you tell the kids we see huh? Just because this guy was nice to you doesn't make what he did okay!'  
Snapping his eyes open, Jason snarled and shot Roy a fiery glance before frowning at the ceiling again.  
I know!' He spat irritably, covering up his hurt with anger he couldn't quite build the momentum for.  
Roy forced a smiled, not moving, he just sat there and let him talk. No matter how much he wanted to yell, cry, no matter how the images that his imagination decided to conjure up made him want to hurl.  
'He started just doing stuff to me when I was eight. I could cope with that, the touching. It- it was when Wallis went to jail. He beat Uncle Robbie pretty bad 'cause I was 'failing to thrive' and the Social wanted to take me away. Uncle left me alone for a while after that. It was just me and mom after that. It was my fault, I should have been good and I wasn't good enough.'

Roy bit his lip and watched Jason close his eyes, the blankets twisting in his hands as he fought to keep control of his breathing, to stay in the present. It was so hard to just keep quiet. Every word was heavy with self hatred and blame. Jason blamed himself for all of this when he'd just been a child. He had no control over any of this. None at all. It was the adults who were meant to of protected him and made sure he was okay, not the other way around. The story of Jason's damn life. Despite the fact that he knew that Jason spent hours taking online courses and scrolling through countless books on everything from basic psychology to articles written for those with an MD, he somehow managed to completely fail to associate any of it with his own life and feelings. Then though, the heartbreaking reality was that Jason didn't take those courses or read those books for himself, it was so he could help others.  
Taking a deep breath himself, Roy waited silently, fighting down those thoughts, fighting down the urge to talk, to try and get Jason to see that none of this was his fault. If he spoke, if he pulled a Grayson and started lecturing he would lose him. Jason would shut down, the wall would be built up stronger and higher than before and the little boy would be lost to Roy forever. A lonely, scared little boy who needed someone to see him, notice his existence and just, listen.

 

'Uncle didn't stay away too long. He'd come around and give my mom her meds. She was too sick to get up to go to the pharmacy for her methadone and the lady wouldn't give it to me, stupid bitch. Just before mom died, I hit puberty. Uncle developed a taste for making me cum. Sometimes he'd see how many times he could do it. Night mom died, he filmed me cumming, again and again. Telling me how much I was enjoying it. My mom died because I was too busy with Uncle to notice her ODing in the bathroom.'  
The glass of water Tim had left behind on the bedside table was sent hurling across the room, smashing to a hundred thousand pieces. Roy has to admit that right then? He felt very much like that glass. This was why Jason never ever, relaxed enough with Roy to be able to reach climax.  
Jason had sat up during his bought of guilt ridden anger. Head, buried in his knees, fists clenched so tightly, Roy just knew there would be blood when Jason finally calmed down and he could look at his hands.

'C-Catherine knew?'  
The question left his lips before Roy could censor himself, but Catherine's death seemed far to coincidental. It sounded like she had been trying to recover and from experience, Roy couldn't help but wonder if that was why she had gone back onto the heroin? Had she known? Was that why she had OD'd? Had it been intentional? Knowing what the social worker was doing in her son's bedroom but feeling powerless to stop it.   
'I'll never know.' Jason mumbled and Roy tried to hide his surprise at not just being told to fuck off. 'Some days, Mom couldn't even remember my name. Just called me 'pequeña ave'. Other days, on her good days, we'd listen to her music and cook. She taught me how to play her guitar. She'd read to me and we'd make up stories of our own. I don't think she really knew much of anything.'  
That didn't sound entirely right, yet another of Jason's stories laced with lies and secrecy only this time, he believed what he was saying. He honestly thought that Catherine had no clue as to what was going on. As Jason had said though, the truth would never be known. Catherine was dead and all that remained was Jason's viewpoint. The view of a scared, hurt little boy who had probably been manipulated to all hell by this Robbie guy. His mom called him 'Little Bird' in Spanish. Heh, now that was foreshadowing at its best and the fact that Dick called Jason 'Little Wing',was downright haunting.

'Willis knew. I know he knew. He beat up Uncle Robbie because I wasn't good enough. Maybe, maybe if I had been good, he wouldn't of got mad. I shoulda just been good and mom mighta not died. Having a proper man around to look after her insteada me.'  
Jason mumbled, fat tears rolling down his cheeks and Roy was lost for words.  
Willis knew, yeah that sounded pretty bang on. Willis bring a proper man who could look after Jason and his mom? That, well that sounded a little fake and if Jason was in his right mind he'd agree. Hell, listening to Jason's story it sounded like Catherine tried to get her act together once Willis was out of the picture. There was so much blame Jason had put on himself, or certain adults had convinced him it was all his fault anyway. Didn't Jason see? He was just a child back then? Someone should have been looking after him.

'I wanted it.' Jason whispered, his lips twisting in disgust with himself and Roy just blinked.   
What?  
'I got hard. I got hard Roy.'  
What!  
Frowning Roy shook his head and suddenly sat up to look at Jason properly. He wasn't serious? He thought getting hard was fucking consent?  
'No, no Jason. That's not right! Jason, getting an erection that's, that's a biological reaction. You can be hard and still not want to do anything. Is that why you did stuff with me? Because, because I got you hard?'  
Jason was just sitting there, tears streaming down his face in shock, as if no one had ever, ever told him that before. Shaking his head Roy looked deeply into Jason's eyes, fighting the urge to wipe those tears away.  
'Jason. It wasn't your fault. What happened to you wasn't your fault. You didn't want it and it wasn't your fault. No matter what Robbie or anyone else said they were lying. What happened to you was not your fault.'  
This didn't seem to hit home and Jason continued to just stare at him blankly as if he were speaking one of the few foreign languages he didn't know. Closing his eyes, Roy took a deep breath and tried again.  
'Jason, what would you say if a kid told you that out on patrol?'  
And that seemed to hit home like a slap to the face. Jason shook his head, hands reaching up to claw at his biceps. A low pained cry erupted from his lips that Roy had never heard before.

Wordlessly he pulled Jason towards him, allowing him to sob quietly into his shoulder. Being the rock, the person to look after that little boy, only a few years too late. Jason had gone through all of that? Before he'd even hit the streets? The fact that Jason was as together as he was, that he still had so much fight in him, was astounding. Sod the metahumans this was true strength.  
'What happened? After?' Roy asked hesitantly, unable to hide the look in his eyes. He was hardly sheltered he knew what could happen to kids on the street. He wasn't sure if he could handle knowing that that had happened to his Jaybird too.   
Shrugging, Jason huffed a breath and looked at him long and hard. A strange emotion crossed his eyes very much similar to what happened before he lied to Clark.  
'I-in the streets? You don't have to hide because no one cares.'   
Swallowing, Jason shook his head and closed his eyes tightly.  
'It don't matter, he's in jail now. Can't hurt no one no more.'  
'Jail!' 

Now that was surprising, he had been expecting this Robbie guy to have ended up with a bullet in his head, unless..  
'Bruce? He put him there? He got you justice!'  
There was a pained expression before Jason glanced back at Roy sheepishly.  
'Not- not exactly. There, there were other kids? I told Bruce 'cause I had to help the other kids. Bruce couldn't stop him unless he had a name, I had the name. Uncle Robbie went down for them, not me.'  
Anyone else would be traumatised by this, upset about how their abuser never had to answer for the wrongs done towards them but Jason?   
No, Jason was smiling through his tears at the thought of others getting those answers.  
'But what about you Jaybird?'   
The words left his mouth before Roy could stop himself, eyes widening, he watched Jason cock an eyebrow at him.   
'You said you were filmed? There was evidence of what happened to you? Where is it?'

'I don't know. The tape disappeared. When the cops searched his place, they never found my tape.' Jason mumbled, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his chin on them, eyes tightly shut as if disappearing into himself. No, that was exactly what he was doing, Roy realised but unlike usually, this seemed right, almost.

'Always wanted to. With you. Never like- him. You-' cutting himself off Jason shook head and buried his face in his knees. 'No- it's dumb.'  
'What's dumb?' Roy asked softly, not moving from his spot on the bed, his heart beating furiously behind his chest, threatening to break open his damn chest cavity.  
'When- when Dick visited me, in Arkham he always talked to me about flying, it was dumb. How can a person fly? I always thought it a dumb idea, something that shoulda got him in the cell next to mine.' 

Nodding slowly Roy reached out to rest a hand on Jason's shin. Never, ever had he spoken about his time in Arkham. Yet another part of his Jaybird's life that was cloaked in secrecy and silence. As if, if it weren't spoken about, that time in his life would be forgotten, erased from history. Roy knew better than anyone that stuff like that wasn't something you just forgot about, got over. Like the abuse. Jason however seemed yet to understand that.  
'He was right though.' Came a mumble so quiet Roy almost missed it. He wanted to speak, say something but something told him to remain silent, which was probably a good thing, as he didn't know what to say.  
'I was dead long before the Joker got to me. There was no where to hide, I kept it to myself while I slowly died. Roy, I've been buried in the ground so long, but you?'  
Roy watched silently as Jason finally raised his head, a single tear rolling down his cheek as the ghost of a smile tugged at his lips.  
'Fuck. Roy, with you, you make me feel like I can fly too, just for a little while. That I can fly like the others do. That can be me too.'  
Oh the little shit.

Letting out a hitched sob, Roy smiled through his tears and cupped Jason's face in his hands, leaning forwards to kiss him softly, gentle sobs vibrating in his throat.  
'Oh Jaybird, of course you can fly. You're a Robin, you've always been able to do that. You don't need me to fly.'  
Jason shook his head and returned the kiss, tears of his own now streaming down his cheeks. Knees slowly uncurling to allow him to curl his hands in Roy's shirt, as if to anchor himself.  
'N-no I can't.'  
Pulling them both down onto the bed, Jason looked up at him desperately, teary eyes silently pleading.  
'P-Please Roy, h-help me fly!'

Pulling a broken Jason into his arms he took his lips once more.  
Roy couldn't fix the past, nobody could, but that?  
That he could do.  
Roy Harper was no Robin but he could help Jason learn how to fly.

Letting out a groan that betrayed far to much emotion that the man would ever admit to, Jason deepened the kiss, becoming hungry, wanting. Realising where he was taking this, Roy leaned back and tilted his pelvis away from wandering hands.

'No Jaybird. Not tonight.'

Frowning, Jason looked up in confusion only to be dragged backwards to rest against a firm chest, Roy's chin resting on his head.  
'This. Us. We aren't about that. Do you understand?'  
Growling Jason pushed away and span around to glare at him, his eyes clouded by hurt and confusion.  
'Fuck off Harper, I'm not broken. I can choose, and I choose to do this so either put out or get out!'

Most people, Jason's family included, always took these outbursts to heart. Let them upset. There was no truth in them. Jason was just hurt, confused, he didn't feel safe so he tried to run away. Push everyone away because when he was alone, he was safe, Jason understood loneliness.   
Unlike most people, Roy understood that feeling all too well, whenever he had pushed others way he wished that back then, someone had been there to push right back.  
Chuckling, Roy tugged Jason back towards him and placed a peck on the tip of his nose.  
' You're right, you can choose but I can choose too. I won't have sex with you when your wired sky high and triggered out of your mind. You want to have sex, I get that, I do but Jaybird? It ain't what you need, we both know that.'  
Jason hung his head and let out a shaky breath with arguably could have been a sob.

'If I had just kept quiet you would've.'

'No.' Roy replied simply, lifting his hand to rest against Jason's chest feeling the steady beat of his heart. 'I love you Jason.' There was a sharp intake of breath but Roy ploughed on. Like it or not Jason was going to hear this, he needed to hear it. Ollie was right if he was going to be there for Jason, he had to be there, even if sometimes that meant being the bad guy because when push came to shove, that was love. Whether it was throwing out a drug addicted son or simply not giving your boyfriend everything he thought he wanted. The truth of the realisation almost brought tears to Roy's eyes again.  
'I'm sorry for letting you, last night. I won't sleep with you when your feeling like this Jaybird. I won't do that to you because I respect you, I love you.'

Jason didn't respond well to that. Scowling he pulled away and curled up on his side of the bed, wrapping his arms around himself. He didn't understand what Roy was saying to him. That much was clear and finally Roy was starting to understand why.  
Jason always expected sex. The moron fought off affection like the plague unless he was sexually interested in the situation. Jason didn't understand that you could be close to someone and not have to pull your pants down to do it.  
Bruce keeping him so cruelly at arms reach would of only heightened that belief and Roy could honestly weep at the thought.  
All of his short life, Jason had been mistaking his need to be loved for sex.  
They had only had a handful of sexual encounters, including the ones with Kori involved and how the fuck had he not seen it? How had Roy not cottoned on that Jason didn't want sex, he wanted to feel loved, wanted.  
He really was the worlds biggest idiot but it was no good dwelling on the past, on the what ifs. Sure he may have screwed up but he could start making things right now.

Watching Jason curled up away from him, Roy sighed and tugged at his arm only to be shaken off.  
'Come on Jaybird? Trust me, please? You don't have to have sex to fly, sometimes, sometimes it can be just cuddling in a nest.'  
Fuck off!' Jason snarled glaring hard at the wardrobe as if it were a personal insult. 'Who the fuck are you? Dick Grayson? I don't want to fucking cuddle, or are you removing my choice to refuse cuddles now too?'

'Stop deflecting, you asshole.' Roy scolded, trapping a protesting Jason beneath his chin and wrapping his arms tightly around him. 'Now shush Jaybird and accept your cuddles.'

Huffing, Jason stopped wiggling and turned in the hold to peer up at Roy through his eyelashes.   
'When are we gonna stop doing this?'  
'When you feel better.'  
'That's gonna take a long time, Harper.'  
Smirking, Roy placed a kiss on top of a sulky Jason's head and tucked it back beneath his chin.  
'That's okay. I got all the time in the world for you, Jaybird.'

Slowly, painfully slowly, Jason stopped protesting, he stopped trying to goad Roy and test his boundaries. It was a few hours before dawn when Jason finally gave up and accepted his cuddles.  
Quietening down, Jason lay against Roy's chest, fingers brushing across his pecs lazily before heavy eyelids began to droop. After forever lengthened by a few thousand years, Jason finally fell asleep.   
Roy would have liked to say he felt anger towards the perpetrator, that he felt sad for what happened to Jason, honoured that he had broken his secret to tell him, but in the end?  
In the end Roy felt nothing but a familiar numbness. In the end the closest adjective Roy could think of to pin point how he felt was, lost.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, I couldn't end this fic without lightening the mood. So yay for healing and goodness and sparkles and stuff.

It was nearing lunchtime when Dinah was woken to sound the sound of the doorbell. Yawning, Dinah uncurled from her spot on the couch and pulled on her dressing gown. It had been a long night last night and she really just could not face getting dressed just yet. Trying out a few different ways to tell the postman, the sales rep or whoever was calling to piss off, Dinah flung the door open and just stared.  
There stood on the doorstep, hands shoved in the pocket of his hoodie, was Roy.  
The boy look dog tired. If Dinah didn't know any better she'd say that he hadn't had a decent nights kip for at least a couple of days. She supposed, like Oliver, the drama of yesterday was yet to reach a conclusion for Roy and Jason.  
'Dinah? Can- can I come in? If you don't mind. I understand if not I-'  
'I'll put the coffee on.' Dinah replied with a welcoming smile. 'Come on in, sit down. I'm afraid Ollie isn't here, you're welcome to wait for him though.'  
Stepping over the threshold, Roy kicked off his boots and tugged off his hoodie, eyes darting around his old home in vague interest.  
'No. No I er think it would be best if I'm gone before he gets back.'  
Rolling her eyes, Dinah watched Roy perch on the edge of the couch nervously, he may look exhausted but he'd tried to look presentable. He had clean, matching clothes on, and his stupid hat had been foregone for a well combed ponytail, he'd even shaved and put on cologne.  
Sighing, she supposed she'd better get the coffee brewing before the boy lost his bottle and ran off again.

'Milk, no sugar.' Dinah announced, pushing a mug of coffee underneath Roy's nose before sitting down with her own, blonde hair tossed over a shoulder carelessly. Taking a sip of her own drink she watched Roy do the same before shooting her a small smile.  
'Thanks.'  
'Looks like you need it?'  
'Heh yeah. It's er been an eventful few days.'  
'Uh huh.'   
Setting down her mug in the coffee table, Dinah levelled him with hard knowing stare. 'Roy Harper do not treat me like a fool. I know you're avoiding Ollie because of the scotch incident.'  
Roy couldn't have hidden the wince if he'd tried. So he decided to just take a lager gulp of coffee before shaking his head and looking anywhere but at Dinah.  
'Ollie told y'bout that huh?'  
'Yes, Roy. Yes he did. He's worried about you, we both are.'  
Snorting Roy opened his mouth to be snarky but caught Dinah's disapproving look and quickly back tracked.   
'Look, it, it was just the one okay? It's not as if I got drunk or anything?'  
Dinah just rolled her eyes again and took a pointed sup of coffee, watching the boy who might as well be her son duck his head in shame.  
'And you know that's bullshit. What happens next time Roy? One won't be enough, you'll have two and then three and then we are back where we began.'  
'I'm not perfect Dinah! I'm trying okay? Over a year I managed without a single drop passing my lips. I had one and then I stopped. I stopped Dinah!'  
Raising her eyebrows, Dinah flicked her hair to the other shoulder and leant forwards onto her knees, lips pursed in concern.  
'And did we stop because you realised what you were doing or because Ollie showed up?' Watching Roy pout she sighed and carried on. 'Come on son, I'm not mad that you had a drink. Ollie might be but you know what? He's an idiot, sometimes I don't know which of you two is worse! Roy, it's okay to relapse as long as we talk about things so they don't build up.'

Placing his mug next to Dinah's Roy flung himself dramatically back onto the couch and screamed into to a scatter cushion. Dinah looked less than impressed before a slight smirk tugged at her lips as he slowly ran out of gusto and took to just trying to smother himself with it.  
'Ah, and now we're getting somewhere.'  
A puffy read face appeared from around the cushion, fixed in a childlike pout that just made Dinah want to crack up laughing.  
'I wanna talk to, Ollie!'  
'No you don't. You want a get out of jail free card and Ollie is a soft touch compared to me.'  
'Man, I almost forgot how much I freaking hate this place.'  
'And yet here you are?'  
'You're pulling the therapist face again!'  
Chuckling Dinah swatted Roy behind the ear and pointedly placed his coffee mug back into his hands.  
'Start talking then.'  
Scowling Roy finally admitted defeat. It was pointless arguing,he wasn't sure why he'd started. He always lost. Oliver always lost. God put the woman in front of Jason on a particularly oppositional day and he too would probably lose. If Dinah wanted you to talk, you talked, end of discussion. Roy wasn't sure if the pun was intended or not.

She probably already knew what he was going to say. He'd learnt long ago when those two were still pretending to just be friends to expect Oliver to tell Dinah absolutely everything. The woman probably even knew about his disastrous first ever date. Most people, Jason included, think that he broke his nose vigilanting.   
Oh no.   
Roy Harper broke his nose when he leant in for a kiss after a successful date with Laura Micheals. All was going well, until Oliver knocked on the diner window with a cat call of 'Woo Hoo! First kiss!'. The shout shocked Roy so much he slipped and whacked his nose on the side of the booth. If that wasn't mortifying enough, he had bled all over Laura's new dress and people wonder why he turned to drugs!

Whether Dinah knew about the Jason's revelation or not Roy started talking. He didn't provide names or details, that was Jason's story not his and he didn't see what benefit there was in breaking his trust and telling all to Dinah. Instead he kept to the basic summary and his feelings around it all. Feelings he daren't talk to Jason about because he'd turn the revulsion and horror Roy felt onto himself, and that wasn't fair. It was kind of a relief to finally tell someone how much knowing what happened to Jason hurt him.  
Roy had thought he would feel selfish but the way Dinah smiled and squeezed his hand he thought that maybe, maybe it was okay for him to feel upset about the abuse too.   
'I don't know what to do. I feel as useful as a chocolate kettle.'  
Sobbing into his pretty much empty mug, Roy looked up at the Dinah desperately.   
'I don't know what to do. I ain't a shrink. I don't have the answers. I want to make this better but I dunno how.'  
Humming, Dinah pulled Roy to her and he went willingly, burying his face into her chest and just pouring his heart out, hands clutching at her dressing gown as if he were a drowning man. In truth that was exactly how he felt. He was drowning and everyone was expecting him to just know how to swim.

'H-he thought being hard was consent. He's being doing stuff with me because he was hard not be-because he wanted t-to. H-he's confused love with- with sex Dinah. He hates it.'  
'I don't think that is entirely accurate Roy.' Dinah spoke softly, running her fingers through the boy's hair and shushing him softly. 'I don't think that's very accurate at all.'  
'But he doesn't want to have sex with me.'  
Roy winced at that remark. It sounded so selfish, so childish. Mummy he won't have sex with me it's so unfair. The response he expected was not for lips to press against his forehead and for fingers to brush away his tears gently.  
'Like father like son. Roy you are an idiot. Jason does want to be intimate with you that's the problem he's having.'  
Frowning Roy pulled away from Dinah and shook his head in confusion. That made no sense but then maybe that was the point? Nothing with Jason ever made sense.  
'Honey, Jason probably does want to be intimate. There's just going to be a lot of ambivalence around that.' 

Nodding slowly, Roy sat up fully and looked at the birds pecking at the birdseed in the garden. Smiling softly, Dinah reached out and squeezed the confused young man's hand. Dinah and Bruce were the Leagues' victim support mascots. Roy? He was squarely placed with Oliver as a law enforcer. He dealt out justice, he got the answers, the names of those who hurt others. He very rarely hung around long enough for the aftermath.  
'Jason will be very confused right now. He wants to be in a relationship with you else he'd have just cut and run like he normally does but he's still here isn't he? There's just a lot of negative feelings and beliefs surrounding sex that pop up whenever he tries to go that way with you. He knows you aren't going to hurt him like that but that doesn't stop the flashbacks, the lessons of the past, old emotions and beliefs coming to the surface. I'm guessing during the blow job incident he seemed willing, just as excited as you but suddenly switched?'  
Of course Oliver had told her about, that. Feeling his cheeks begin to heat up, Roy nodded and dragged his eye back to look at Dinah.  
'Honey, think about it this way. Jason never had a Laura Micheals.'

So Dinah did know about Laura. For Christ's sake had Oliver told her his inside flipping leg measurement!   
'What?' Frowning Roy shook his head, hand subconsciously going to the healed break in his nose. 'You want me to bleed on him?'   
Roy was pretty sure they had crossed that bridge,multiple times. If there was one bodily fluid of Roy's Jason was familiar and comfortable with, it was his blood.  
Dinah couldn't stop herself. Bursting out laughing, she drew Roy into a bone crushing bear hug and placed another kiss to his forehead.  
'Oh Roy, you sweetheart. No. No what I'm saying is Jason never had that teenage relationship that consisted of nothing more than milkshakes and awkward kisses.'  
'Oh.'   
Roy had never thought about that. The thought broke his heart all over again. Sure he bled on Laura's dress but he discovered a lot about himself and his sexuality during that month and a half. Although that may also have been swayed by watching Dick run around in green panties he was getting far too old to wear innocently. The Nightwing suit wasn't really any better.  
Jason never had a chance to discover sex gently like that.

'Go back to being teenagers, Roy. Take it slowly. Let him explore you and himself without sex hanging above his head like the sword of Damocles. Give each other space to work around the past, find out what works and what doesn't. Have fun just being close with nothing more. It will take months, maybe years and he still might not be ready for sex. Could you do that?'  
That, well, that seemed a sensible way to deal with this. Roy's frown increased as he thought about this before a small smile tugged at his lips. Hadn't he already started that last night? Sometimes flying is just cuddling in a nest.  
'Yeah. Yeah I can do that. He's my Jaybird.'  
Pride wasn't an expression he'd seen on Dinah's face for a long time but he saw it when those words left his lips and he was pulled in for another hug. This time he responded, bringing his arms up to hug her back.   
'Thanks Dinah.'

'Stay Roy.' She mumbled into his hair, patting his back motherly. 'Ollie isn't back until this evening. Stay and have that well deserved sleep. I'll call Jason. Let him know where you are.'  
Roy's eyes widened in horror.  
'Oh shit. Oh God Dinah I left Jason! I told him I was going out for smokes but just kept driving!'  
That? That was so typical of him Dinah couldn't help but laugh again and pull away with a half smile. Bopping his nose, she grinned and shook her head at his stupid antics.  
'Go to bed Roy. Your room's just as you left it. I'll call Jason and inform him that you are neither dead nor abducted by aliens.'

Nodding Roy worried his lip before frowning and quirking an intrigued eyebrow.  
'Where's Ollie gone? For him to be back so late?'  
Shushing him, Dinah smiled and got up to start shepherding Roy towards the staircase.  
'He's got business in Gotham. Clark called him last night.'  
'Oh?'  
Seeing the anxiety edge into Roy's expression Dinah shook her head and pushed him up the first couple of stairs.  
'Don't worry. They have no intention of falling out with Bruce again. They're just investigating a perp.'  
'The sky is blue.'  
'What?'  
Smirking, Roy began to head up the stairs towards his bedroom before Dinah lost her rag and knocked him out or some crap.  
'A perp in Gotham, it's hardly news? What's so special about this guy?'  
Shaking her head Dinah placed her hands firmly on her hips and tilted her chin upwards.  
'Never you mind. Bed, Roy, now!'

 

It was late evening when Roy finally made it back home to Jason. Walking through the door he expected to be yelled at but instead he was hit by the smell of cooking.   
'Hey Harper. How was Dinah?'  
Swallowing, Roy looked over to spot Jason sat up expectantly on the couch. He was still dressed in his t-shirt and sweatpants but had apparently found the umph to tidy up and cook. Homemade burgers and fries with salad complete with dressing. Jason had used his energy to cook for him. That, that just caused his chest to ache in a way that felt a little better than it had the last few days.  
'She er, yeah she's good.'  
'What about you? Are you good?'   
Nodding, Roy forced a smile and joined Jason on the couch and picked up a plate.  
'Mm smells beautiful, Beautiful.'  
Normally this kind of praise would please Jason but instead he just turned away sadly and prodded at his own burger thoughtfully.

'I ain't fragile, Roy. I won't break. You can talk to me too? This ain't the Jason Todd show. I know you hurt too. I know my bullshit hurts you, I see it. I see the look on your face when I freak out, when I can't breathe. You think I don't see it? I want to be there for you too. You could of just told me that you needed to go talk to Dinah about all this. I would've got it.'  
Roy watched Jason blankly. He always thought that Jason didn't know, didn't have insight like that. Apparently he was wrong.   
'I- I'm sorry. I drank yesterday morning, after I left.'  
Seeing the look on Jason's face, Roy lifted a hand and smiled at him in reassurance.  
'I just slipped up. A knee jerk reaction I guess? I'm okay. Still firmly strapped onto the wagon. I didn't know that I needed to see Dinah. I honestly was going for smokes, I just kept driving. I didn't think.'  
Jason nodded, relief showing a clear as day in his face and Roy smiled. Knowing that he only saw that emotion because Jason was allowing it, was being honest with him. 

Shuffling about a bit he finally fished a couple of packets of crumpled cigarettes from his back pocket.  
'I did get smokes?'  
Chuckling Jason shot him an amused look and claimed one of the packets with a crooked smile.  
'You know there's a convenience store around the block right? You ain't gotta drive to Star City?'  
Laughing Roy offered him a wink.  
'Star City sell the best fags and only the best for my Jaybird.'  
'Malboro are mass produced moron. They are the same everywhere!' Jason shot back. Sucking in his bottom lip he became melancholy again, knuckles turning white around his plate.  
'Are- are we still, ya know?'  
'If you want to be?'  
'I do, Roy. I do. You gotta believe me.'  
Reaching over, Roy replaced the packet of cigarettes in Jason's fingers with his hand.  
'I do believe you Jaybird and I want to be with you too. Nothing has changed that.'  
Kissing chapped, dry lips softly, Roy pulled back and smiled.  
'When did you last drink, Jay?'  
'I-I - Urgh fucking Tim. There's milkshake in the fridge I'll go get it.'

Milkshakes. Chuckling to himself as Dinah's words came back to him Roy accepted a glass of strawberry milkshake that was handed to him. Looking up he had to choke back a laugh when Jason sat back down, sporting a bright pink, milkshake moustache.  
'I want to be with you, Jaybird. Just not like before.'  
Jason's face fell and Roy was quick to scoot closer, wiping away the milkshake with his thumb and licking it clean.  
'I want to slow down. Be teenagers.'  
The confused expression on Jason's face was both heartbreaking and adorable.  
'We're gonna take everything at your pace. We won't have sex, we won't do anything until you're ready. Okay?'  
'No sex?'  
'No sex, Jaybird.'

Jason didn't really understand what Roy was getting at. How could you have a relationship with no sex? He agreed anyway, despite his confusion that did sound okay. More than okay. Safe.  
Only letting out a small grumble, when Roy tugged him down into a hug, Jason rested his aching head against his shoulder. An arm moved to wrap around him securely and yeah, yeah Jason thought that maybe, maybe he could do this. Maybe, just this once, Bruce could be right.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So final chapter and my first proper go at smut rather than just writing snippets.
> 
> This is the song Jason plays to keep himself in the present : https://youtu.be/aHx4BlF6V2o
> 
> I wrote this listening to it and I suppose some of you might like to listen to it whilst reading?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must admit I enjoyed writing this a lot more than I thought I would and more stories are going to be added to build up the full picture.
> 
> I just don't think one fic will do it the justice the subject deserves.
> 
> One already exists, Pas De Deux has been coupled with this so, if you want to, pop over and find out how Tim finds out but does Jason tell him the same story?
> 
> Thank you for all your wonderful comments and the kudos! I really am so pleased that others get the same enjoyment out of my stories that I do from writing them!
> 
> If you want more headcannons and ficlets .. You can find me on tumblr under the same penname.

Time went on and Roy and Jason's relationship progressed exactly the way Roy said it would, the way Roy promised it would. There was no sex, the closest they ever got was the odd, playful, make out session. For the most part, Jason's love life consisted of milkshakes and burgers, holding hands and stolen kisses, evenings curled up with Roy watching whatever crappy thing they could find, fingers light, tracing patterns with no real motive behind them. Midnight tickle fights that left Jason gasping for breath, sides aching from laughing too hard.  
At first Jason was as cautious and as surly as ever. He bristled whenever it looked like Roy was headed towards the dreaded cuddling. Always waiting, preparing himself for the day when Roy would up his game. It's not as if the guy had turned frigid overnight. Jason pretended to be asleep when he felt Roy get up in the middle of the night and disappear to the bathroom, pretended to be asleep when his partner returned, sleepy and sated by his own hand.  
What Jason still didn't really understand was why Roy didn't just snap and tell him to get his act together? Every other fucker in the world would have by now.

Jason couldn't exactly point out the moment when something changed. When the suspicion seemed to dissolve into something else. He began to enjoy being close to Roy, just close. When he walked into Roy shirtless and oily, tinkering with machinery, and became aroused, he didn't panic. He merely readjusted and talked to him about whatever he wanted to talk to Roy about.  
Whilst Roy searched Netflix for something to watch, it was Jason who wrapped an arm around Roy and pulled him closer, placing a peck to his temple.  
Willingly following Roy into the bathroom,he found peace leant back against Roy's chest, warm water lapping gently against his stomach. Skin to skin, the only sound Roy breathing out as Jason breathed in.  
Together.  
Jason couldn't exactly point out the moment when something changed but it did. 

They lived in a warehouse now. Although Roy would argue that is was no longer a warehouse, the amount of renovating he had done it was practically a house in a warehouse. It was freaking awesome and Jaybird could just stop moaning about it.  
Flinging his bag down by the door after a long few days away on a job, Roy stripped off his jacket and cast a look around to see if Jason was home.  
The living space told him most of the story. There was a show playing on the TV, forgotten about, there were multiple books strewn around the couch, all open in different places and on the desk was a wad of papers, half sorted through. Jason was going to have a fit when he realised what 'mess' he had left in his wake.  
Humming thoughtfully, Roy switched off the TV and started tidying as he picked his way across the room, noticing the sound of music coming from the kitchen. Of course, where else would Jason be?

The kitchen had turned into a bakery come restaurant. Baked goods, soups and a multitude of other dishes littered one of the counter tops. They had multiple counter tops, big long ones and every mod con a budding cook could ask for, even a flipping bookshelf for recipe books, so suck on that Jason 'this is a warehouse' Todd.  
The man himself was hunched over a mixing bowl, singing in Spanish, shirtless, hips swaying along to the music. As well as being an amazing cook, Jason could sing, like really sing. His voice pretty much turned Roy's knees to jelly whenever he heard it.  
For a moment Roy just leant agains the doorframe, half debating closing his eyes and just listening but then he'd miss a sight only he had the privilege to see.  
Jason happy, singing and dancing along without a care in the world. Flour smudged on his cheeks and pasta sauce in his wild hair.

After a few moments, it became apparent that Jason was just too high up in the clouds to notice that he had company. Sighing, Roy chuckled fondly and made his way over to Jason who was crumbling butter and flour together with his fingers.  
'Jaybird?'  
He didn't get an answer. At Least, not a proper one, Jason just lifted his head and grinned at him, teal eyes glittering and alive.  
Returning the smile, Roy dipped his hands into the mixing bowl and took them into his. Running his thumbs long the back of Jason's hand, he lifted floury fingers to his lips and kissed them gently.  
'Calma, Jason, calma. Tome una respiración profunda para mí?' He muttered in Spanish, watching Jason nod along before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath as instructed. Smiling Roy kissed his fingers again before casting another glance around the kitchen.  
'What's put us in such a good mood huh?'  
Shrugging, Jason opened his eyes and beamed back at him.  
'Dunno but ain't it great?'

Roy just smiled and brushed the hair out of Jason's eyes, chuckling when Jason went cross eyed trying to follow his hand.  
It's something the Batfamily never seemed to realise about Jason. His good moods came on just as suddenly and profound as his bad ones, and just as inexplicably. Just like his episodes of anger and depression, he had just as little control, and quite often thought he could take on the world.  
In a way, it was like the little boy Jason had never been allowed to be, poked his head up from time to time just to remind everyone he was still there.

Looking down at the mixture in the bowl Roy nodded towards it with another smile.  
'So? What's ya cookin' good lookin'?'  
Jason pouted a little and followed Roy's gaze down to the mixing bowl with a little frown.  
'I dunno? I just wanted to make crumbs. Crumbs feel good. Maybe shortbread? Hey, hey Harper come, come taste my sauce for dinner tonight!'  
A happy Jason was also a distracted Jason, he almost gave Dick a run for his money and he was the token ADHD kid. Letting himself be tugged over to the stove, Roy dutifully allowed Jason to spoon a good dollop of mixture into his mouth. It tasted wonderful, of course it did, Jason had made it and Roy was yet to eat something that Jason had made badly.  
'Hmmm scrumptious!'  
Jason's entire being lit up at the praise and before Roy could say another word he was being dragged around the kitchen being fed the hundred and one other items Jason had made. Each time making sure to give the dish his full critique, how good it was. The praise sent Jason into a kiddy whirl that only stopped when Roy took his face in his hands and kissed him full on the mouth.  
'Okay, calm down Jason. Calma. I think we should take a break from cooking for a while yeah? I mean, Dude, we got enough here to not only feed the neighbourhood kids but solve world hunger!'  
Biting his lip, a blush blossomed across his cheeks as Jason suddenly seemed to realise what he'd actually done before giving a nervous laugh.  
'Sorry. I er, yeah, I have no alibi for this one.'

Chuckling softly, Roy dipped his hand into a nearby pot of whipped cream and bopped Jason on the nose with it.  
'How about being completely bonkers?'  
The cute frowny face was just well, adorable and Roy shot him a toothy boyish grin.  
He expected to be told where to go but instead the entire bowl of whipped cream was up ended on top of his head.  
'No, you're bonkers! Look, you've got a bowl of cream on you're head!' Jason laughed, lips drawn up into a grin, mischief dancing behind his eyes and Roy wanted to take that look and frame it. Keep it forever.  
Before he could retaliate, Jason dashed off to his phone sat in the speakers. His attention taken by the song that had just come on. Fiddling with it for a moment, Jason turned and trotted back over to him and removed the bowl from Roy's head, chuckling at his handiwork.  
'Dance with me.'  
'What?'  
'Dance with me, Harper!' Jason reiterated, pointedly placing his hands on Roy's hips, swaying gently to the music. 'Please?'  
Another side of Jason few knew about. One of Jason's favourite pastimes wasn't just listening to music or playing his guitar whilst he sang. No, Jason also loved to dance.

'I miss the sound of your voice, and I miss the rush of your skin.And I miss the still of the silence  
as you breathe out and I breathe in.'  
Jason began to sing softly, a smile firmly fixed on his face he reached up and wiped away down of the cream from Roy's face.  
'Dance with me.' He demanded, before starting to sing again and Roy caved.  
'So come on, get higher, loosen my lips. Faith and desire and the swing of your hips.  
Just pull me down hard, and drown me in love.'  
Roy joined in with singing the chorus with Jason, pulling him closer he rested his hands on the small of Jason's back and spun them around. Well, singing was a bit of an over statement. It was more like an out of tune drawl but Jason didn't seem to mind, his eyes lit up with glee and he just sang louder, pressing his hips up flush against Roy's. He'd never been that forward before and it took all of Roy's self control not to pull back in surprise.  
Jason just carried on singing and dancing away as if he hadn't noticed how close they had gotten, until the song ended. Worrying his lip, he slowed his swaying down just a little when the song played again. He had put it on repeat.

'Jay?' Roy asked cautiously, stiffening when Jason's lips brushed against his before vanishing again. Looking back down at his friend he saw him watching with wide eyes that held a hesitant hope, fear dancing just around the edges, no, no more nerves than a genuine fear.  
'Jason Peter Todd, what are you up to?'  
A few ideas had sprung to mind but Roy shot them all immediately down. Jason hadn't shown any signs what so ever of wanting to be any more intimate than kissing.  
'I want' Cutting himself off Jason sucked in his bottom lip and shook his head, pulling sharply away and stepping back. 'No, it's dumb.'  
'What? What's dumb?'  
'I missed you, Harper.'  
A small smile tugged at Roy's lips and he reached out to brush a thumb along Jason's jaw line, blinking in surprise when Jason's lips darted out to kiss it.  
'I missed you too, Jaybird.'

'Then touch me!'  
Jason blurted out before squeezing his eyes tightly shut, hands fisting in frustration.  
'Jaybird-'  
'Please? You said it's up to me. I want, I need this.'  
Stepping forwards, Jason brushed his hips up against Roy's again, knowing that the other man would feel how hard he was. Watching green eyes widened at his brazen behaviour.  
'Jason.' Roy breathed, moving to put his hands on Jason's hips before rerouting half way and clutching his shoulders, looking deeply into his eyes.  
'Jason are you sure you want this? I don't want to hurt you.'  
'I know. I trust you.' Jason muttered before deciding to hell with it and crashing their lips together, more teeth than tongue until Roy took over. Lifting a hand to dig into his wavy hair, Roy groaned and deepened the kiss, turning it into something they could both enjoy before pulling back and looking towards the door. A hand shot out and pulled his attention back onto Jason who was looking at him with pleading eyes.  
'Not bedroom. Don't, can't do bedroom. Not now.' He practically panted, squirming as his pants grew hot and painfully tight, he just wanted to take them off.

Nodding, Roy took in a few steadying breaths before turning sharply and backing Jason up onto the kitchen table, sending flour and jam flying everywhere.  
'If you wanted a cream tea you coulda just said.' Jason snarked, laughing at the cream and jam now throughly matted into Roy's hair.  
'Shut up, you ass.' Roy grumbled before finding Jason's lips and finally shutting him up, his mind on automatic. This was happening, this was actually happening.

That's when he noticed that Jason had closed his eyes. A natural reaction whilst kissing someone but Roy knew what horror shows he played behind those eyelids. Redirecting his lips to them, he kissed his closed eyes softly.  
'Look at me, Beautiful. I want to see those pretty eyes of yours.'  
Frowning Jason nodded and complied without protest, opening his eyes to study Roy's face.  
'That's it. Keep those eyes open Jaybird yeah? You're with me.'  
'With you.' Jason nodded his confirmation before gasping at the feeling of Roy unbuckling his belt.  
'This okay?'  
Roy's answer was desperate hands diving to his own belt, deft fingers expertly making light work of the fastenings and his fly before Roy had even finished fumbling with Jason's belt. Chuckling to himself, Roy wiggled his hips to aid Jason in his task as he finally began to tug his down too. Lips finding Jason's again, making sure that he knew who was with him.

Kicking his pants to the side and quickly ridding himself of his shirt, Roy tugged Jason up into his arms, mouth trailing down his neck and Jason tensed.  
Pulling back, Roy made sure he wasn't frowning and instead chucked Jason's chin playfully.  
'You okay?'  
'Can- can we just mess around?' Jason mumbled, a blush creeping up his neck and blossoming across his cheeks. That's when Roy noticed, his dick was pressed between Jason's slightly parted legs and he wanted to slap himself. Jason had closed his eyes again, shoulders growing tense and he was quickly losing him.  
Reaching out Roy stroked Jason's cheek and kissed his lips lightly.  
'Hey, hey you're okay. Let me see those beautiful eyes of yours.'  
Frowning slightly Jason opened his eyes and made a point of just looking at Roy's face and a weak smile tugged at apprehensive lips.  
'We're gonna take it at your pace Jaybird. Yeah?'  
Nodding, Jason swallowed thickly still feeling ashamed, tumultuous.  
'Um.'  
'You're okay.' Roy soothed, hands beginning to run up and down Jason's back. 'Just talk to me. Tell me to stop. Tell me when it feels good, I want you to feel good.'

Slowly, Roy shifted his hips up and away from in between Jason's legs, smiling warmly when Jason's eyes dilated even more when their erections brushed together and a soft moan escapes his lips.  
'Roy.'  
Suddenly, Roy knew what they were going to do. He guessed a hand job on its own would be too much of a trigger at this point but this? He'd bet any money that after that look, Jason had never, ever done something like this before.  
Distracting Jason with his lips again, Roy trailed his hand slowly down the man's chest to finally encircle both his own and Jason's dicks.  
Jason tensed.  
'Fuck.'.  
'You okay with this Jaybird?'  
'Say it again.'  
'Jaybird' Roy muttered again, stroking him slightly he felt the tension ease up in the younger man's muscles again. 'My Jaybird.'  
'K-kiss me. T- talk to me.' 

Nodding Roy captured Jason's lips again increasing his attention, Jason groaned and pressed himself even closer to the older man. His hands rising to entangle themselves in Harper's, gooey red hair.  
'That's it Jaybird. My Jaybird.' Roy panted breaking away to kiss Jason's collar bone softly. The lyrics of the song playing in the background came to the forefront of his attention.  
'Y-You put this on, on p-purpose.'  
'Yeah ' Jason breathed, his hips starting to rock in time to Roy's strokes, revelling in the idea of getting him off too.  
'R-reminds of you. That you're here.' A familiar coiling built up in his stomach and Jason tried not to panic.  
'I'm here Jaybird. Always will be.'

'Fuck.'  
He was just as close as Jason was, Roy smiled and kissed him full on the mouth again, opening his lips to let Jason explore his mouth with his tongue.  
'Fuck! R- Roy!' Jason whined, breath labouring as he drew nearer to his climax. Instead of slowing, Roy squeezed them both and went just that little bit faster, keeping eye contact with Jason.  
'That's it Jaybird. You're doing so well. Let go for me. Let go, you're safe. Jaybird you're safe.'  
Moments later Jason did just that, a small cry escaped Jason's lips, eyes overflowing with hazy pleasure and, trust.  
The sight had Roy following him over the edge, his Jaybird's name on his lips as he tugged him up into his arms tightly, stroking them both through it.

Roy had to admit not only did he not last as long as he used to, he also seemed to take longer to catch his breath and come down from his high. The warmth was even more gratifying, having a sexual encounter with Jason and not feeling like hell immediately afterwards. Rolling over to lie down next to Jason on the table, Roy ran a hand down his face and huffed laugh. Until, well, that was until he realised Jason's breathing hadn't slowed.  
Propping himself on his elbows, he turned to look down at his partner in concern.  
Jason was lying flat on his back, stubbornly still keeping his eyes open as he clenched his fists and fought to breathe, the anxiety that had danced around the edges now hitting him full throttle.  
'Jaybird? You okay?' Roy tried to hide his worry but shit, shit he didn't want to of hurt Jason, again. He'd been so sure this time that this was the right thing to do.

Jason opened his mouth before giving up on even trying to talk and just nodding his head, moving his hand to brush against Roy's in reassurance. Finally getting a hold of himself well enough to start his breathing exercises.  
Fucking asshole, trying to comfort 'him' during a God damn panic attack. At least on the plus side this seemed just a minor episode and one Jason was more than able to cope with.  
'Um, okay?' Roy muttered a little stuck for words before giving up and lying back down.'If it helps? I won't get ya dad beat up this time?'  
A breathy, strained laugh that was almost crossed with a groan erupted and Roy sat up again to watch Jason's contorted expression. Well, that solved the panic attack.  
'Fuck, you fucker!' Jason breathed, shooting him a bewildered look. 'Y-you're bring Bruce into this? This is what, you're doing, right now?'  
Shrugging his mouth Roy nodded before giving him a wink.  
'Why the fuck am I with you?' Jason groaned in despair, flinging an arm over his eyes dramatically.  
'Because you love me?' Roy shot back with a wicked grin. 'Look at your life Jason, look at your choices, they have all lead you to this point!'  
'And now you sound like Dick, my fucking brother! What the fuck dude? After what we just did?'

Roy's grin only grew, deeming it safe to touch Jason, he reached out and stroked his cheek with far more affection than either of them ever dished out.  
'Oh no, if I was Grayson? I'd be declaring my love into those beautiful eyes, singing you the cheesiest, most romantic love song known to man!'  
Eyes widening Jason struggled to sit up only to be pushed back down.  
'No, no, no. I swear to God Harper I will put you in tract-'  
'Wheeeeeeen the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie? That's amore!'  
Roy sang obnoxiously, trailing his finger up the mess of cream, jam and cum on his stomach and licking it clean. Shrieking in disgust Jason hid his face in his hands and tried to roll away before remembering he was on the table.  
'Fuck sake! Harper that is disgusting! I can't believe - I am never kissing you again!'  
'When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine? That's amore!' Roy carried on serenading Jason as if he wasn't now spitting threats of blue murder.

Roaring Jason flew at him in frustration, toppling both of them onto the kitchen floor. Right on top of the upended bag of flour that exploded in a big white cloud, with a poof.  
For once, the fastidious Jason Todd did not notice the growing mess of his persona and his beloved kitchen. Instead he was focused entirely on shutting up Roy fucking Harper who was caterwauling away as they wrestled.  
'Hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay. Like a gay tarantella!'  
'Harper shut up you are not Dick Grayson!'  
Smirking as Jason tossed him onto his back and straddled him, Roy suddenly pushed up and stole Jason's lips.

Although, Roy never really stole Jason's lips, they were given to him willingly. Just as Roy's were willing given to Jason.  
Roy had tamed Jason, like the fox in his quote, but truth be told? Jason had tamed Roy as well.  
There is a vulnerability to being in love. A vulnerability that brings out beauty but also the darkest, deepest secrets that a soul can keep. For isn't that love? A dark, scary, wonderful, enchanting state of being; where you place yourself, in your entirety, in the hands of another, with only the plea of three words. I trust you.

 


End file.
